Run Away Reports: Tokyo

I pride myself on never getting sick. But I've been in poor health the entire month I've been in Japan. Yes it's been a month already and I haven't done anything more than drink and sleep and suffer with ailments. What a miserable existence.

Today I am super hungover. I went to dinner with Coca Cola... it was cool. He was having a dinner party for the girls who work at his favorite clothing and accessory shop, and with some men from his company, they told me that CocaCola was their superior. All the boys and girls chatted. I was of course the black sheep, the only foreigner, and I was wearing a red dress, in the midst of suits.

I didn't eat barely at all, drank a big glass of wine. I felt a little bit jealous that Coca Cola was talking to all the girls, except me, he's such a playboy. The guy who was sitting next to me noticed me staring with green eyes, and told me not to worry, that this is his party, but at the end of the night, he still prefers me and will leave with me.

I was all shy though, I have some sort of minority complex, especially around Japanese girls. I am secretly super jealous of their slim figures and perfect makeup and straight hair. Being around these young ladies I felt like I was invisible since I was so out of place and Coca cola was talking to all of them. They didn't say anything to me the entire night.

oh no, TO BE CONTINUED! my brother just called me hes in roppongi SHIT!!!!!
Okay, back. I went to the Tokyo Tower with my brother. Woohoo.

Anyway, last night after dinner, we all went for a few drinks. Then slowly everyone left except him and me. We were both a little drunk, but he didn't want to go home quite yet it seemed like. He asked me if I liked jazz, I told him yeah sure I do. Then we took a taxi to this really fancy place with live jazz. We had another drink and some cheese. Talked about a lot of things... he told me not to worry about all the trouble and work. I can't help but worry about money.

Then he called his little driver guy and I said I was going to go to Roppongi to work, Coca Cola told me to stay home but I didn't want to. I had a weird night. I met this Japanese guy that works for JPMorgan, he was actually really good looking and had a British accent in English. As I walked into this bar, we stared at each other for a few seconds and then when I was going to pass by him, he started talking to me. It was really busy at the bar so we left. I took him to ultra lounge, but he didn't buy champagne, he told me he wanted to test me... I was like okay sure, we can leave this place.

So I took him to the shisha place that also does drink back. Still no bottle but we started taking shots. Very stupid of me to do, but I dunno. I got really drunk...we started kissing.... I don't know why I do this every night, make out with some new person... I need to focus on actually making money off of them.

I don't know why we left the shisha place... But we did, and we walked to a park... I was so wasted, I admitted to him that I was trying to take advantage of him. He said he knew and it was okay... I started crying (I've been doing that a lot lately) and telling him how much I hate this work. Then he started telling me about what he used to do.

Now I don't know if it's true or not, but this is what he told me. "You know why I have a british accent? Well I used to live in England, and there I was basically a prostitute. Me and some other Japanese boys, we would sleep with big business men, every night. Sick isn't it? I could have gotten AIDS, but I'm lucky. Living there, that's how I got the accent, and my current job."

Um.... okay. WHAT THE FUCK MAN. I wish I wasn't so drunk, so I could have inquired more about this prostitute. But I was so wasted, I wanted to sleep on the ground in my dress and Coach shoes, god. People were staring at us, so he made me get up and take a taxi. Why did I drink so much! So quickly. I was drinking at dinner, a glass of beer and a glass of wine then a bunch of gin/vodka tonics with CocaCola then a bunch of shots with this JPMorgan guy. Why Why Why!!!!!!

I felt so sick........ He got me a taxi and took me home... I threw up when I got into the bathroom.... I felt so stupid, I wish I would have stopped to think for a minute before taking more and more shots. Now... it's Saturday night, 00:35, tons of people in Roppongi, and I don't know whether to go out or not... CocaCola wants to take me out tomorrow, because I told him I want to go for a drive with him in his Porsche... woohoo!!!!!!! I also told him I wanted to go to Hakone, but I don't know where we are going to go!!

Fuck Roppongi, I am sick of it. Walking around, it's just like Kabukicho with less cute Japanese boys and more nasty ladyboys from around Asia, and more fat white dudes. It's the same old, same old, predators and prey, customers and drink-back girls (I was delicately labeled a champagne girl the other night though). All the girls are trying to make a buck, all the guys are trying to get laid, I'm starting to get disgusted by all this.

But it's Friday, so I am happy because I get to see Coca Cola. But I am also worried that my brother is going to call me tonight. Especially when I am with a customer, sure I can ignore it, but I do want to be able to meet him this week because he's leaving Tokyo.

Yesterday was shit though. My first zero-dollar day. I guess you can't depend on luck in this business... You can't expect to drink Dom Perignon everyday. Some guys get suspicious, some guys have no money, some guys just aren't interested. So it's better to work a salaried job at a club.

Anyway, last night my room mates wanted to work with me in Roppongi so we went to a few bars together, 911, Motown, Copacabana. It was ladies' night at 911 so there were tons of girls, free champagne. Some rich dudes bought us drinks and pizza, but they wouldn't leave the bar to come to Ultra Lounge or anything. 911 was packed with "champagne girls."

My Australian room mate "Bella" is so terrible when she's drunk. She's selfish and childish and has an amazingly annoying high-pitched voice. The woman is pushing on 30 years old, but is no more mature than a 3 year old after a few drinks. The woman drinks for a living, and seems to lack any tolerance for alcohol. She pissed me off last night, acting self-important. "I'm sick of all the men feeling me up, why am I the only person who gets felt up!? I wanna go home, give me a key, I'm going home. Why is it always my fault?? My dad's dying!!!"

Oh give me a break. I insulted her to her face, and told her to get over herself, that she's a grown woman who's acting half my age. I told her that I get felt up every night, and that she's half the reason why men touch her, it's easy to rub up on a slobbering drunk woman who dances around thinking she's the life of the party. I told her to fuck off "ginza girl" and get over it. You wanna be some kind of high-class prostitute, then stay in Ginza, if you want to make money, then let's focus and stop whining.

Then she storms off and all the Nigerian guys were like "ANNA! WHAT DID YOU DO TO YOUR FRIEND!?" And I told them to fuck off. She went and spent the night with one of her coworkers. I'm sick of Roppongi and all its nasty foreigners.

I don't care about anyone's feeling anymore... just worried about myself... for the most part. I just lie and lie and make more and more money. I took advantage of a Syrian guy today, he bought me champagne, thinking we were on some kind of date, trusting me because I am Arab like him, I wouldn't lie, right? Little did he know that I was getting half the price of the bottles he bought.

However, some things people don't believe!

They don't believe I'm 19! They don't believe I'm a university student. I dunno.

Seems like everyone knows me in Roppongi now... I can't walk down the street without having a bunch of people say hey to me. I've only been working around there for a few days! The same is true in Kabukicho, all the Nigerian and Japanese guys hanging outside trying to get men to come to their clubs know me, always saying Ohayou when I am on my way to work. I like this sense of community.

Sounds like business in Ginza is not so good, my room mates want to come work with me these days... so we might end up hustling together... I got a tip on a club in Roppongi, tomorrow night I am supposed to work there... we'll see.

Last night I went to Roppongi because Kabukicho club is closed on Mondays. I went to a few of the bars that offer drink-back money, Copacabana, Ultra Lounge, Sala Ferrari... It was Monday, not many people were out, and it was still like 22:00.

I sat at the bar at Copacabana for a little while, and not long afterwards, some Singaporean-American guy started talking to me and buying me drinks... he wanted me to come to his hotel, but when I stayed at the bar, he gave up and went home. He messaged me later with his room number, but I was already drinking Dom Perignon with this Swiss guy at Ultra Lounge.

I was a bit hung over this morning, I walked home super drunk... but I am fine now. First hangover I've had since coming here, it was pretty mild. I have to pick up my drink back money today... dunno what I will do, go to Shinjuku or Roppongi or what :/

My brother lands in Tokyo tomorrow... shit!!!!

edit: I guess Coca Cola wants to hang out!

Today was so fucking hot in Tokyo... 91 degrees and humid, god.

And my friend wanted to go to Ueno park, in the scorching heat. Fuck!

We met up with his friend for lunch in Shinjuku, then we went to Ueno by Yamanote line (my first time on JR). I seriously didn't want to go, it was so fucking hot, and I am never awake at that time of daylight anyway... the sun was so painful for me. I did it for him though. We walked around the park and went to a museum (which had a really cool Kanji calligraphy exhibition, I was actually really into it, plus it was air conditioned). We went to the boat pond and rented a boat for a little while. All fun and games.

We went back to Roppongi and had dinner with my room mate. Then we went back to Shinjuku, he left to Niigata... and I went straight to Kabukicho.

It was pretty slow to begin, just me and Lea. Then Mari shows up all drunk (I actually think she was on some uppers because she was really talkative, and acting weird, she talked more tonight than I've ever heard her speak before, complaining about her family).

I was thinking it was gonna a shitty night, Sunday... but I had a wonderful customer come in. He was younger too, relatively, he said he was 30, but he looked younger. He looked just right.

I don't know what made me start crying but we were just talking about everything... mostly about my work... he asked me about how much I make in a night, and he just felt bad for me. I felt bad for me too! I started crying... but he was so comforting... I was cold and I wore his coat, and he seemed to want to take care of me... as if he were responsible for my pitiful situation. I honestly don't think he was lying or acting or trying to take advantage of me... I don't know...

He bought me three bottles of champagne, for just us two, no one to split the profit with... I got a little drunk. We must have sat together for 3-4 hours... exchanged phone numbers... made out a little bit... I don't know.

Regardless of whether he was real or not, he gave me a little hope in men, and a bunch of drink back money, if anything.

Yesterday I met with Coca Cola for dinner and went to the Nishi Azabu club with him... where he subsequently passed out and started snoring again. I left and caught one of the last trains to Shinjuku. I figured I would work in Kabukicho for a few hours since my friend was coming from Niigata today to visit Tokyo. So I spent a few hours in Kabukicho and met my friend at the station at 5 am.

I felt a little weird meeting a real life friend here in Japan, especially since I was still in my hostess clothes (I didn't bring another outfit because I went to dinner with a customer). I didn't know what to do, because it was my bedtime, but it was like morning for normal people. But I made sure to get a few hours of sleep before going out with him today. I took the day off! A real day off... it felt so weird!

First we went to Roppongi Hills (I basically live in Roppongi and I have never been there...). We took some pictures at TV Asahi and at this little pond at the Hills. Then we went to Yasukuni Jinja (I have been in Japan almost a month and haven't actually gone to a shrine or anything). So we had a nice day of sightseeing.

At Yasukuni Jinja, they were setting up for Omatsuri (starts tomorrow) so we saw all the tents. As we walked through, it suddenly started pouring rain. We hid under one of the tents and my friend gave me a brief history lesson regarding the shrine. We took some pictures and I partook in the little ritual, throwing the 5 yen in, bowing and clapping my hands... I prayed for good fortune of course, regarding my work and money...

Then we went to Kabukicho (my friend has never been there...) and I showed him around... He was kind of shocked at it all, even though he's Japanese and lives here. We had a bunch of junk food, Taiyaki and Takoyaki...

My (brother's) friend (who is in love with me) is here staying at my house, and I feel a little awkward actually, more awkward than I thought it would be...

I have been pretty stressed out for the past couple days. I gave back the phone I was using to the person who gave it to me in the first place because he was bugging me and I didn't want to work at his club. Today I got a new phone after stressing so much about being disconnected from my customers.

I went to work in Shinjuku and it started off as a slow night. I spent my time putting all my numbers in my new phone and messaging Coca Cola-san. Oh guess what? Selena-baby is pregnant! It's so funny because I totally called it... a week ago. She was complaining about abdominal pain and I said she must be pregnant, she laughed it off. A couple days ago she complained that her breasts were paining her and again I told her she was pregnant. And today, the truth comes out! Coincidentally, it was her birthday too!!

We had some interesting customers. A group of five French men came in but they were being cheap, then left. Then a cute Japanese dude came in and bought 1 bottle wine and 3 champagne. It was funny having to switch out all of Selena's drinks for ginger ale.

At the end of the night, the boys surprised Selena with a birthday cake, and we popped open a bunch of champagne, took Polaroid pictures, and ate a bunch of food. We even got the lazy Japanese girls to dance with us, even though they had been sleeping all night. Really fun! I will put up some pictures later.

After everyone left, I was waiting for my pay... The owner's friend wasn't going to pay me, I was pissed... He said he'd pay me tomorrow. Whatever... after that, he lectured me forever about doing drugs in Japan blah blah blah... Then tells me if I ever need anything, to let him know. Suddenly he produces a bag of coke. I was surprised and shocked. He had been kinda flirty with me when we were celebrating Selena... but I didn't think it was anything out of the ordinary. Now he was offering to take cocaine with me and wanted to go to a hotel so that we could "sleep and relax afterwards."

Ha! Yeah right.

I can't believe I denied him. I just couldn't do it though. It was so tempting, my brain was drooling... but I knew he wanted to have sex or something. Nothing is free, cocaine is expensive around here too. So I said no, I have to meet Coca Cola today anyway, and I didn't wanna be coming down from coke nor sleep all day.

But I can't believe I passed up a bag of cocaine like that... I've never refused drugs like that before. I did not like the circumstances though. Anyway, it's 08:30... Coca Cola said he was gonna call me at 14:00... so I don't think I can sleep today... sigh.

Also, my brother is coming to Japan next week, shit!

Last night I hostessed at a strip club, because my friend wanted me to... It kind of sucked, but it was interesting.

I didn't make that much money, I was pissed off at the end of the night. While all the other girls were dancing, private dancing, I was talking to this one customer, and asked him to buy me champagne, and he obliged. I asked the bar tender for the bottle, and none of the girls had anything to do with it. At the end of the night, the bottle price back was still split between all the girls. I was pissed, I know this is how the system works, but seriously, they were ALL away when I got the bottle, only coming back after it was all poured.

One of the girls was a 4-months pregnant Filapina who didn't look a day older than 18. They were all nice girls, but probably thought I was stupid or something because I wasn't stripping. Anyway, I don't have that big of a problem with stripping, I just think I can manage making money without taking my clothes off.

This job got really old, really fast.

Anyway, today I went out to meet someone who had to give me something, and I walked around Roppongi for a bit. I ended up stealing some random shit, I just can't help it, whenever I am at a shop, in a dressing room, I am overcome by the desire to just take things... Which reminds me, I have a confession to make... My second day on the job in Kabukicho, there was an annoying blonde girl who was counting her cash in front of everyone. Another girl, Selena, told her that she shouldn't carry so much money around like that...

Later, when the blonde was entertaining a customer, I stole 10,000 yen from her wallet. Yeah I am bad, but I didn't feel any remorse. She was asking for it, and she pissed me off.

Anyway, this morning, I watched this documentary called The Great Happiness Space, about Osaka's top host club, and its number one host, Issei...

I thought it was pretty well done, and made me think a lot about my own work here. I could relate to and understand a lot of the expressed views, so I enjoyed it... but at the same time it made me depressed and sick... what are we doing, for god's sake. Drinking ridiculous amounts of alcohol, staying up all night, confusing dreams and reality, acting all the time...

I don't know who I am anymore, I can't see things clearly. I could go spend time with my real friends, who are always trying to make plans with me, but I just can't. Why go spend money to drink and eat, when I could work and have a customer take care of it, and come home with money in my pocket? I haven't met a single one of my friends here in Tokyo since I came to town. Just working, working, consuming everything, cigarettes, clothes, food, alcohol, customers' concerns, why why why.

I never spend money on myself. If a customer isn't buying me dinner, I will not spend more than 150 yen on a rice ball for a meal, and a packet of peanut m&ms, if I am up for it. I am being cheap because I need to save my money.

Anyway... fuck this.

I feel like an idiot, but I learned my lesson...

Today I wasn't going to work, I was at home all day, my Australian room mate disappeared before I woke up, and hasn't been home all day... Her bed is all tussled and messed up... I am a little worried about her because her work ended at 01:00 and my other room mate is in New York, so they aren't out together... I don't know where she could be.

Some electricity bill man came and disturbed me telling me that the bill has not been paid for this month. I said that I am not responsible for utilities, but accepted a written notice from him, and called Leo, my land lord guy. No answer.

Then got dressed up to go out, I walked to the Softbank place at Roppongi Crossing to buy some credit for my phone. Right afterwards, Leo called and we chatted for a bit, I told him about the electricity notice, and he said not to worry about it, that he had paid the bill today. Then he asked where I was, and I told him I was right outside Softbank, oddly, he ran right into me. It's weird, in a city as big as this, that I run into the same people very often. Even in Shinjuku, I have started to do the same. I guess we live the same hours.

Anyway, I talked to Leo for a bit about my work etc, and he told me he wanted to show me to some clubs. I went to two of them, the first one didn't want me because of my visa status, the second one I didn't like, because it's a strip club.

Afterwards, Leo asked me if I wanted to smoke a joint. Like candy to a child, I was like "Yes!! Sure, let's go!"

We went to his friends house, he told me that it was okay, his friend knew he was going there. I believed him, I was completely trusting him for some reason. We smoked some weed, pretty good stuff, but meh. I had the whole weed anxiety thing that's been happening to me for the past year whenever I smoke marijuana...

It's not good. I always think waaaayyy too much. I freak out. This never used to happen before, but for the past 10 months or so, when I've smoked weed, I just start thinking the most terrible and dramatic things. I over-analyse everything, as if my life and all the occurrences are some sort of novel or dramatic film. I get very stressed out and paranoid...

Anyway, I was starting to feel the anxiety come over me, being with Leo at his friends house. I told him I wanted to leave, and it was fine, he took me home. I was so glad to be home. I sat for like two hours and thought the most terrible things about my situation here in Tokyo.

I started worrying about having to go to Korea at the end of the month, worrying about my bills, worrying about my older brother coming to Japan (I had to give my younger brother my address in Tokyo because he needs to mail me  my credit cards). I am afraid that my older brother, knowing my address now, is going to get in a cab and show up at my door. I need to avoid him at all costs. I haven't booked a hotel in Seoul or anything. I know one guy there who just wants to have sex with me or something, and I don't wanna deal with him. I have to go to Korea though, because I need to renew my time limit in Japan. And I just don't know what the fuck I am doing here, why I came here, uninvited. Taking risks carelessly, and damn all the police that have been in Tokyo this weekend because of the G8 summit. They're everywhere, every time I pass by them in the morning, my heart skips a beat, one of these days they are going to ask me why I walk home at 5 each morning.

See what I mean, I never would have thought so pessimistically about these things had I not smoked. I hate it. I am never smoking weed again... (I always say that).

I don't know. I don't believe that Leo's friend knew we were there, why would someone let someone else smoke their weed for free, in this city, where it's so expensive? I think maybe Leo wanted to do something, I dunno. I felt tricked. It was so awkward, being in that room with him, bed being the only place to sit. I'm glad I left.

And people wonder why I am not so keen on sex. I just hate everything about it. The way men try so hard, and their round-about ways. I don't trust any of them. It's just so disgusting, so human. God, it makes me sick.

Whatever, I made a mistake, I suffered for a few hours. I'm not doing it again. Coming to Japan, I was supposed to stay away from any kind of drugs. But wow, I failed so quickly at that.