Happy Hardcore Saves the World

Yesterday night I went to a rave. First one since last June. It was a little strange.

I left home dressed up, with a Save Gaza button I have been wearing lately. Since the rave was called Happy Hardcore Saves the World, I thought a little bit of political activism would be appropriate. I met Gadget at the ferry port because she comes from the other side of the water. Walking around Pioneer Square, I hate it, one creepy dude started following me. I got to the Mcdonalds next to the water and waited for Gadget there. She showed up rather quickly. We still had to pass 4 hours until the rave started.

I invited her to coffee and we had a latte each. I bought 2 madeleines, tiny French cakes for dipping in coffee, they're more like cakey cookies, just smaller than most American cookies. They were overpriced but delicious, I thought. I had eaten a bowl of cereal that morning, coffee filled me up pretty well, and I felt that the madeleines were a bit of excess indulgence. I tried to ignore it.

We passed a bit of time there, decorating ourselves with beads. I don't really like to look like this when I go to raves:

Kandy Kids

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But I put on 2 rainbow beaded necklaces and bracelets. I thought it looked nice, a contrast to my all-black, sort of plain outfit. We started walking to the venue and arrived with a lot of time to spare. We passed the time at the nearby Krispy Kreme, whose staff is very familiar with the rave scene since all of the kids who show up early wait there. I feel especially rude to be there, so I always buy something, since not many of the rude ravers do. I bought a bottle of water and waited bored, observing the candy kids and recognising old faces.

I bought 4 ecstasy pills from a guy who kept bugging me about it. He told me that I looked like I had money so he couldn't give up. I finally gave in because he offered a good deal I probably wouldn't get later in the night, when people who hadn't planned on taking ecstasy cave in and take it because of the peer pressure.

Waiting in line was freezing and boring. I took one of the pills because it usually takes me a while to feel it. Once I got inside, an hour later, I grew impatient and took another, and not long afterward, the last two in my pocket. It took almost 5 hours to hit my peak, which is a bit strange. I wonder if all the adderall I have been taking recently had an effect on that? Along with my very low blood pressure lately and cool temperatures... I wasn't moving much when I took the pills, just sat down most of the time. I got a few light shows and ignored a few guys who asked me to dance.

Once I started rolling I was more open to talking to the new guys who tried. The first guy, Shawn, was kind of interesting and we talked for a while. He studies computer science and international relations, having taught English and computer networking in India in the past year. Last night was his first rave in a long time, like myself. We talked a lot about computers and hacking, since he first hacked into his elementary school's unsecure network in 3rd grade, just to learn about how it worked, his parents were afraid of these new-fashion computers and didn't want their son to become an evil hacker. This probably increased his interest. Anyway he lives in the university district and he gave me his phone number.

After he left to dance (he was rolling too), I continued to sit. I reached a point that not a lot of people do at raves, taking another pill of molly made me not want to move, where as most kids take a couple pills and dance the night away, I take several pills and sit around engulfed in thought. Not long after Shawn left, I was approached by another blond, named Jeremy. He asked me my name and I said Rolex. Then he said, "Thought so, I have met you before." Oh really? I told him that this was my first rave since last spring. He said that was the case with him too, his last rave was Bubble Bobble, as was mine. He told me that he had asked me to dance at Bubble Bobble and I said no, explaining that I don't dance, getting up to leave his vicinity shortly after.

I apologised for that and told him that I probably was in search of more ecstasy that night and I would have probably talked to him more if I was rolling. He told me it was okay, but that he was surprised because he's not been rejected for the reason of not wanting to dance, everyone dances at raves, after all. I told him yes I understand but I don't really know how to dance to house music and that I don't like bringing attention to my body, hence my usually bold fashion statements and black clothes; while they catch some attention, people tend to focus on my clothes rather than my physical body shape dressing the way I do.

He thought this was weird I guess. He seemed interested in me or something. I told him that it was my first rave in a while, I had just returned to Seattle. We talked about politics and people. He is studying psychology, comes from a miltary/medical family. His father always expected him to join the military, but it wasn't his interest because he saw his father suffering in his old age. He was more interested in people. We both expressed anti-institutional feelings and we both feel pretty pessimistic about the world. I told him though, that I never really trust shrinks so I disapprove of his career choice. I would later on accept it because he talked a lot and he was very easy to talk to (I was probably just very expressive and annoying, I am not sure). We talked for hours, about men and women, sex, short-man syndrome and its correlation with wrestling, about drugs, and about the rave scene. He was only 20 years old, just barely older than me. He was nice and sober, so I wondered why he stuck around.

Shawn showed up again when I was talking to Jeremy and asked if I wanted a ride home since I lived so nearby. I told him no because I wanted to accompany Gadget, she had to wait for the first ferry. He was fine with that and gave me a bracelet from India that he said was important to him. Okay... how cheesy but kinda cute at the same time. I told him that I would see him soon. Jeremy laughed at this momento exchange. But it was a little awkward because having two guys try to talk to me at the same time made me feel like a double-timer or something. I dunno.

Jeremy gave me his phone number before leaving. I am not sure if I will call him, but maybe. I think I will call Shawn for sure. Not sure. Ahhh... they're both blond :S totally weird to me. I felt pretty sick after walking to the ferries with Gadget, threw up a few times in my mouth and re-swallowed the vomit. I waited til 6 am to catch the bus back to north Seattle. It was not fun. When I got home I threw up a bit of blue water. And felt a little less nauseous. I took a long shower, which mostly consisted of sitting on the floor, unwilling/unable to move much, allowing the hot water warm my freezing body. I couldn't fall asleep until 10 in the morning. I woke up tonight after 9 PM. Still feeling after glow.

Written at the rave last night, before beginning to feel pessimistic about the entire scene and how the business has changed:

We are all outsiders, misfits,
lonely in their world and sick,
sick and strange,
but here in the dark we forget
the pain.
We no longer feel the jagged edges
but only softeness.
Silky hair,
glittering eyes,
rainbow lights and tender hearts
replace all the injustice and lies,
unified in and by all senses,
we are one.

01/09/09 22:11

Later, I would be bothered by the raves commercialisation. The unprecedented amount of flyers I received for upcoming raves taking place at the same venue, no competition from other groups. I joked and suggested to Jeremy that when they search through our bags before entering the club, they are searching for competitor's flyers and not drugs, since ecstasy keeps bringing people back and flyers take people to other places. I kept all the fliers I received because I thought their advertising methods (including a drawing of a big-breasted, pink-haired anime girl locked up in chains for Slaves to the Rave on the 30th) were interesting.