33 posts tagged “alcohol”

Back from the underworld.

Ryu came over around 19:00 and I did his makeup, painting a whiter face and eyeliner under his eyes to make him look like L. The makeup helped make a really good effect! I wore a black corset top that restricted my breathing and smushed my boobs together in a weird shape. I thought about being a school girl, but I wanted to be a little bit scarier, so I went with more black and chains. Ryu had no complaints. We took a few shots of vodka at a friend's house in the neighborhood with Kensuke and Tetsuya, then went to the party later at night.

I don't really like going to house parties (well, the few I have been to have been uninteresting) but I guess it has more to do with the people there rather than the setting and beer. Last night I went to the Halloween party of a bunch of (mostly Japanese and other Asian) International students. There were a lot of people I knew and many I didn't. When we showed up, the beer was gone so we were left with bottles of tequila, vodka, rum, and a bunch of mixers.

Of course we took more shots like the smart, efficient people we are... I lost count, all I know today is that it was too many.

The party was cool though, the house was packed, everyone was dressed up and beautiful. Lots of cute guys and girls. I didn't bring my camera, but Ryu did. I tried to play cupid for my friends Kensuke and Kei... they are perfect for each other I think, both 19 and petite and adorable. I pushed them into a bathroom together and I don't know how it went. At one point, people were cheering for Ryu and me to kiss and we did. All I remember is a million camera flashes going off (freakin' Japanese, always taking pictures) and then shouts of mo ikkai, チューして！kiss again~!!. Like I said, I haven't seen any of these pictures, I didn't have my camera!

I'm glad Ryu decided to leave when he did, it's always better to leave early. He told me let's go and his reason was simple, if we stay longer, we will drink more. So logical! Why don't I ever think of that? On the way out, in the front yard, I saw a group of guys smoking a bowl, and I took a couple hits, and even got a green hit! It was really good stuff, I forgot what he called it. The guy actually knows my friend Heather so I will keep in touch with him somehow. I walked home with Ryu, stoned and drunk and generally happy but tired of my high heels.

We saw lots of drunk students in costume on the way home. Ryu was commenting on how great Halloween was, he was surprised, he was taught it was a children's holiday. There was a cop standing at a frat house on my block who surprised me and made me paranoid, and I remembered that I was breaking the law. It is so ridiculous that I can't drink legally.

Anyway, I went home and Ryu kinda took care of me, I am grateful. He took all my clothes off very slowly and carefully, while I suffered in my super high, intoxicated body, he removed all my accessories, my socks, and folded everything away. I did nothing, just lay in bed. It felt nice.

Though it has been on the back-burner of my consciousness, I had not heard from the super competitive and bureaucratic International studies department about my application to the major. I applied a couple weeks ago, and I was kind of confident about getting in, but nothing was official.

I am pleased to report that I just received my acceptance email. Woo! Both of my majors are officially declared! yatta!

Date with Ryu tonight, he is so cute sometimes. More about him later, I have a comp lit midterm due in 55 minutes! I've titled it, "Sex, an Art of Tensions?" and it's an analysis of a sex scene in a comic we read for class.

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So I'm at home, finished with the week. What do I do? It's always a rush to to finish. And afterward I still feel at edge. I still have a bunch of wine at my house from last weekend.... *pours a glass*

Ryu says he wants to meet later, around 7 for dinner. It's weird. I think going out in public with him will be strange. I will have a few drinks before I see him, otherwise, I won't be able to relax.

I had sex with him a few times, and I was totally sober. I'm preoccupied with the idea of it lately. Starting to feel perverse. No, I am not saying he was amazing, I'm saying that I am probably thinking about it a lot more than is normal. It is strange to be doing this with a student. He thinks I'm his girlfriend. No one has ever really called me that. Even Arihito last month in Tokyo, we saw each other pretty regularly but we were just friends. Even Yusuke... called me every day, but I was so busy and ignored him so much that I don't think even he could consider me a girlfriend.

Ryu on the other hand, is informing all his buddies back home that he has "made an American girlfriend."

Anyway, sex. As much as I try to convince myself otherwise, it is still not as good as a dose of really good H. Or alternatively (if you aren't into the needles and illegal stuff) a bunch of oxies. Seems like nothing will ever be.

I like how the effect of drugs lingers, I like how it makes me feel, what it does to my mind and how it changes the world. I need nothing else when I'm high, just me, satisfied with myself for a while. Sex doesn't do that. I really gave it a chance! I "liberated" myself from a previously very negative attitude toward sex. No I don't think it's dirty, I think it can be very sensual and it makes you feel good for a little while, even a day or two after, you might be thinking about that person. But to be honest, it's not really satisfying on the same level that I feel after writing something I imagined during a high, or the feeling of my body when I take opiates.

I don't want to say that I've tried everything, but I feel like I have, different types of people, different scenes, I don't even want to describe all the different situations, but it's still not as good as sticking a pen into my hand til I bleed or getting high out my mind. Nothing compares to the calm that I feel the day after I cut myself or after getting high and writing all night.

Today is auspicious. It's very windy, and somehow warm.

So there's this guy, Tetsuya from Kyoto, well, there are a whole group of guys from Ritsumeikan uni who are studying here for a quarter and I met some of them at Wednesday lunch. Two of them, Tetsuya and Kensuke asked for my phone number a couple weeks ago and I gave it to them. This week, Tetsuya invited me to a party. I said okay.

I met up with Tetsuya in the University district, he was with another guy, Ryu, who he introduced to me as the most kakkoi of his friends. He was alright, kind of standoffish and quiet, but he looked okay. Tetsuya on the other hand reminds me a little bit of Ai from Osaka, they are both from Kansai, and both are outgoing and smile all the time.

I had already eaten but they took me to drink with a group of people at this Korean place. There were a bunch of Japanese-American girls dressed similarly in black club dresses. They didn't talk to me. There was one other non-Japanese person there, a friendly Iranian-American guy who was born and raised in Tokyo, he had a lisp, but his Japanese was really good. I thought he was an interesting political product, I like meeting people with messed up national identities.

Tetsuya ordered a bottle of soju and let me drink most of it. I spoke with him most of the night but when he went to go to the bathroom I was left seated next to Ryu, who hadn't said a single word to me since we were first introduced. We talked about the Japanese elections and how he didn't vote because he was coming here and about his view of Japanese politics in general. Any guy who can stand talking politics with me for more than ten minutes gets extra points. And his name is Ryu for god's sake, he had already gotten me when I learned that (see: Ryu Murakami).

Anyway, after he finished eating, the Iranian guy left and the girls left to go clubbing downtown, acting all shy about it, like they were doing something super scandalous. The boys stayed with me. We called Kensuke, we considered going to his house on the south side, but he was actually in the University district singing karaoke with some girls. We let him be. In the end, the two guys came to my house, not without two bottles of cheap champagne (I don't have a bottle opener for wine) and cheese (Tetsuya's idea).

We drank the first bottle quickly. We thought to wait for Kensuke to come to open the second bottle, but he was being too slow. We drank the second bottle. When Kensuke showed up, we went to buy wine and chocolate ice cream (Tetsuya's suggestion again). Kensuke had to drink to catch up with us so we forced him to drink. He is the smallest one but he can handle drinking pretty well. We talked about this and that, love and heartbreak...

After a while, Tetsuya was falling asleep, actually, he did fall asleep and start snoring on my floor. We woke him up and made him go home. I was getting sleepy too, and too drunk. I rested my head on Ryu's lap (we were sitting on the floor) but continued conversing, though I don't really remember what we were talking about at that point. I was just paying attention to the feeling of Ryu's hand on my body.

I went downstairs and threw up in the bathroom. The vomit was deep purple like the cheap Merlot we were drinking. I came back to my room and lay in bed, which sort of signaled to the boys it was time to go. I said good night and I heard them leave my house. I got up and I showered, well, I sat under the running water for a while.

When I went back to my room, I saw that my window was open and someone was outside on the roof, ninja-style trying to come inside. It was Ryu. I was in my towel, dripping wet. I closed the door behind me and invited him in. He was trying to explain how he forgot his bag and that he tried to call but I didn't pick up. I told him yes, I was in the shower (clearly), and dried myself off. I told him he could stay, the buses were out of service at that point. He said thank you.

I dried my hair and hung the towel up. I was completely naked so I put on a long shirt. I didn't keep it on for very long. He commented on my tattoo while we were having sex, ukifune? That's always what they say. As if I am the one who needs to confirm the reading. We slept. He left around 7am. I also got up and brushed my teeth, took out my contacts, and went back to sleep.

Slept with Kazuo in Shibuya yesterday.

Had dinner and cocktails with Kazufumi tonight in Shibuya.

Getting fat due to endless alcohol and lack of sleep.

Worried, so worried about returning to a mundane life, no city lights, no ambulances nor police sirens. No bars and no love hotels, back to that misery. Back to studying and low-grade ecstasy. No salary, no Maruii, no taxis and no sushi. Fuck, only 3 weeks from now.

Thanks to mallocup for finding the video of the earthquake bit on TV I was a part of. They make me seem super silly in the video but oh well.

Didn't go to work tonight and hope that I get fired tomorrow. It is my last week in Japan... and I don't know if I can return next year. I need to prepare for my trip to Viet Nam.

I need to stop the spinning, I have had enough, something has got to give, I cannot go on living this way, my body has been suffering, my mind has had enough. God help me.

I went to Shibuya yesterday and stared at the Vivienne Westwood bag and wallet I want to buy at O1O1 for several minutes. This is not the first time I have done it. I want to buy them so bad, but I just cannot afford them. I bought a 1000 yen VW handkerchief instead. I must buy that purse!

As I walked in Shibuya, I got interviewed by some guys from Fuji TV! They asked if I could speak Japanese, I said a little. They asked me about what I thought about the earthquakes this summer, as a foreigner, and I said they were kinda fun and interesting to me. Not a cause of concern. They thought it was a little strange. Anyway, I am famous now!

On my walk home, Yusuke called me and we made plans to meet up at night, after I finished work. I went to work and was fine until I was told that I needed to take a day off today and that if I could not bring a customer in on Friday, it would be my last day. I was really pissed because I hate being under control. But I had to think. Hopefully tomorrow will work out, and customers will come and request me!

I was sent home early too. I went and drank a few strong drinks at Mask and then met up with with Yusuke. We went to Shinjuku and had dinner at this udon place. I drank straight shochu at the restaurant and bought a bottle of sake at the convini. I was sort of in a bad mood, but I wanted to enjoy my night with Yusuke. I wanted to get high, I wanted some sort of release, but alcohol does not provide that for me, no matter how much I drink. But he was kind to me and eased my nerves.

We went to a hotel and spent the night there. We left around 11:30 this morning. He wanted to take me to this architecture exposition near Roppongi so we went. I was not feeling very good, hot flashes and general malaise. We had lunch (helped me feel better) and I walked home. I showered and slept a bit this afternoon.

My computer will not start after a check disk run. Really frustrating but it was having problems already and I think it might be dead. I am going to ask my brother's friend who studies in Tokyo to take a look, he used to work as a computer repair man at an electronics store, so he should be able to fix it, right? I need my computer!

I met Akiyoshi last night. He cut his hair. He is well on his way to becoming a genuine salaryman.

We had a couple drinks at Crossover and then a shot of tequila each. Then we went to Nijyu Maru, where we drank a bottle of sake and then three 500ml bottles of wine. He can handle alcohol quite well, compared to other Japanese guys his age I have met, but I am still stronger. He got drunk and sat next to me.

He told me that he was surprised at his internet girlfriend Lisa. He went to visit her in Germany earlier this summer and he was shocked that she was a lot bigger than he thought she was. Webcams lie! She is not going to university and does not speak Japanese so he is no longer considering her a girlfriend.

In his drunkeness he admitted a few things to me. One, he had a serious foreign girl fetish. I told him he should just meet some nice Japanese office lady, not mess with crazy foreign girls. He also told me that he had been working as a host in Kabukicho earlier this summer. He had just wanted to try it for a bit but he is thinking about going back to work there until his salaryman job begins next year (he is going to be a buyer for Don Quihote).

Anyway, we both got drunk and we were going to go to a love hotel, he went and spent almost 2000 yen on condoms at the drugstore. But then I got a phonecall from this one customer, and I ditched Akiyoshi to try to make some money. Sorry dude!

I drank a more and had some food, but got no bottle. Oh well. Tonight it is back to the club and then tomorrow I am going to get my tattoo done, finally!!

Yesterday I was super bored so I put up my hair, changed my clothes, and hit the streets. Something usually happens when I am walking around the city aimlessly.

Happened quite quickly last night. I was walking toward Roppongi and a couple guys tried to talk to me. They turned out to be Canadian-born Hong Kong dudes. One was tall, fit, and extroverted, and his friend was short, bespectacled, and introverted. The former was in the Canadian military and his sidekick was an IT worker in Tokyo. They were kind of funny so I hung out with them for a bit. Until the wine bottle ran dry. Army dude asked for my number and I gave it to him.

Afterward I hung out at Bar Mask (where I have done drink back before). I took advantage of free drinks and sang some karaoke with the lonely owner. When I got bored, I went out again. As I was crossing the road, I ran into Clair's older brother. I was shocked. He told me it was his last night in Tokyo and hugged me in the middle of the intersection. Wow okay.

He told me he had been drinking with Sara, and was heading home, but now he would join me for one last drink. I told him he did not have to, his flight back to Paris was in the morning, but he insisted. We found Sara and her new boyfriend (cap-wearing street lookin dude), along with a bunch of Frenchies. We had a drink at Copacabana (I hate that place) and then split.

I went to another bar for a while and watched this cute Afghani guy play darts. I was looking for his boss but she was not there, so I left. I ran into Sara again and we had McDonalds. Why do I always end up at McDonalds when I am drinking on days off?

Anyway, I was bored again today but remember Akiyoshi? Yeah, he wants to meet me in Roppongi tonight. I am off to meet him at the spider.

I mentioned Kazuo before. I met him last month, once. He has been calling me every week, usually on a Tuesday or Wednesday, asking to hang out. I always have work and say no. Or I just ignore his call altogether.

Last night he called me around 23:30. I was writing so I ignored it. He called a half an hour later and I picked it up. He said it was his birthday and that he was celebrating. He asked me if I was in Roppongi and I said no, I was at home. He invited me to go drinking with him in Roppongi, and for some reason, I said sure. Free drinks, why not. I had slept a lot during the day (making up for about a month of continued sleep deprivation) so I felt genki.

I was surprised when he was alone at the crossing. I had expected all his goofy friends to be with him. But he was alone. I understood the situation. I felt stupid suddenly, I usually would have known. Right off the bat, I asked him what he wanted and he said it was difficult to say. I reprimanded him for inviting me out like that, but I joined him for a drink.

I told him I had a boyfriend so his advances were a little inappropriate. He asked me if the guy was in America or if he was Japanese. I said Japanese. He seemed relieved. He said that he would still try me in that case, but if I had a serious boyfriend back home, he would respect that. I know that I have only been seeing Yusuke for a few weeks, but there is a definite boyfriend&girlfriend vibe going on, he calls me daily and makes date plans. I felt loyal to him for a bit. That loyalty disappeared, as I had hoped and planned, after a couple shots, and I said okay to going to Shibuya with him. He reminds me so much of Hajime, I could not resist.

So yeah, we took a cab to Shibuya and went to a love hotel. It was around 2 AM.

Sex was really, really, really good. We left the hotel around 8 am. He walked me to the station. He lives in Shibuya and walked home.

I slept for a couple hours and showered. I have to meet Yusuke in 30 minutes. I have a small love bite on my neck.

I definitely want to see Kazuo again.

I have a whole month left in Japan. I feel like I have been here a long time already, but just two-thirds of my stay is finished. My room mate seems alright. Right now she is sleeping. She works in Roppongi at night, and showed up while I was sleeping, very early in the morning today. She cleaned up a bunch of her stuff and put it away, so our room is much more livable now.

Yesterday after work I went to have a drink at Crossover so I could apologise to Daisuke for being drunk and silly last time I saw him. He brought it up before I did, You were drunk last time, huh? I told him yes, and sorry for my stupid behavior. He laughed at me and said it was nothing. We talked a little about both of our vacations, and I left after finishing my drink. The ball is in his court.

Kinda bored. I need to go to the grocery store but the nearest one closed early yesterday (probably because of Obon) and it is usually closed on the weekends. Today is Saturday and I do not have much to do. I used to hang out with Takahashi on the weekends, but I have not spoken to him in weeks.

I have five days off work. Tomorrow Yusuke wants me to go with him to Yokohama from 10 in the morning... And suggested we go to Asakusa at 7 in the evening. What a long time! Asakusa is boring! I do not have many better things to do with my time, but it will be so hot and humid and I do not want to be walking around aimlessly anywhere. So if I do end up going, he better have a solid plan and it should involve air-conditioned spaces. I missed a call from him today when I was in the bathroom. I wonder if he will call again.

Anyway, he cannot come to my house since I have a room mate. And he, like the true parasitic Japanese university student he is, lives with his rich mommy and daddy. So if he wants to have sex, he is going to have to pay up for a hotel. Curious to see what happens tomorrow, sort of like a test. If he asks me to pay for anything, it will be the last time I see him.

I emailed the tattoo artist from last year, and I have consultation Monday evening about a new tattoo, and plans to get it done on Friday. Excited!

It is seven in the morning and I have wasted yet another day of my life in Roppongi working then eating and drinking, first with customers then with Clair and her older brother. But really, I have not many better things I could be doing this summer. School starts soon and I guess that will make me feel more useful. Or I will just be too busy to really think about my self-worth.

I have to start packing up again tomorrow (today). Not excited about that. I hate packing. It is not even the packing that bothers me, it is the end result and after-products, the heavy suitcases and having to pay for transportation elsewhere, carrying the heavy suitcases. I hate it!

And yet another thing I need to replace, my hair iron. It was really cheap, 15 dollars or so, made in China crap but it worked well for me for over a year. I guess it is about time I buy a new one, it is just a pain to have to spend money on something like that.

Guy from last night, we can call him Kuro, mailed me saying we should hang out again. I replied with sure! I doubt I will have much time to do anything besides attend my classes and go to work for the next two-three weeks, but maybe! I think it would be fun.

It is strange, these days, just going about my business in Minato-ku, or sitting at the club waiting for customers, I get these strange lines, I dunno, of verse or something, ideas that I want to write down, especially the past days, but I am always in a situation where I cannot write. Right now, I want to collect some thoughts and write... as I wait for the shower to free up.