23 posts tagged “food”

I celebrated Hanukkah with Haroon on Friday night and it was so fun and yummy! Turnout was huge at Hillel, I have never seen it so full. We lit the first candle on the menorah then it was dinner time. Well, actually first Haroon taught me how to say a prayer and wash my hands, and then I wasn't supposed to say anything until I tasted the (delicious) bread. It was a fun night and I ended up getting a little drunk and talking politics/religion with the students there. I find that the Jewish community is unmatched in the openness of discussion allowed within their walls, self-criticism of their community and laws is made and greeted with great discussion. I like it. No church or mosque has demonstrated that to me before.

After dinner Haroon came over and I was supposed to help him study but he kept on talking about his girl problems. He told me earlier this week that he had gone to the mental health counselors asking for help for something but he didn't tell me what it was. He finally spilled the beans tonight. He has been cutting himself. He showed me huge cuts all over his stomach, he did it with scissors. He had cut himself on his arms before and I noticed, asked him about it, and he lied. He told me that after my noticing, he started being more secretive. What am I supposed to say to him? I understand his feelings completely, he just needs love, he's away from home, alone, first year at university, and terribly needing of care and attention, more than I could ever provide (I'm a needy one too).

He wanted to spend the night but in the end he walked home. He told me thank you, though, because he thinks I have been helping him.

After the Arabic final yesterday morning, I took the bus downtown to meet Ryu at Westlake. He was with a couple Ritsumeikan students who had taken the toeic exam with him. They left after a while and Ryu and I went out soon after to the Bodies exhibit. It was so cool! Kind of creepy seeing preserved human bodies and muscle tissue, fetuses and fetal organs... but an overall educational experience. I felt lucky to have the opportunity to see everything inside of our bodies. Female reproductive organs are smaller than I previously imagined!

After the exhibit, we walked downtown for a while. It is quite festive nowadays with a Christmas tree and merry-go-round in the center of downtown. We wanted to go see some gingerbread houses at the Sheraton but the line was super long filled with moms and children, so we ditched it. Ryu asked me for ideas for souvenirs to take home to his family. I couldn't think of much besides candy canes (he has never heard of them/noticed them) and he thinks they're a good idea. We went back to my house.

We passed the afternoon with tea and talking. We lit the second candle on my take-home menorah from Hillel. There was another Hanukkah party that night and I mentioned going because I thought he would want to leave soon, he needed to get ready for his noon flight to LA. I told him I was feeling sad and futile because he was leaving next week, but I was happy he was with me. We had sex and afterward he asked me if I would, rather than go to the party, stay with him for dinner. I said of course. He told me I was very kind. I was surprised at his reaction, I told him I always want to be with him, it's no question. Before going out he asked if he could leave his bag at my house, which meant he would have to come back afterward. I was so pleased that he wanted to stay longer.

We went to dinner at this new curry place and inside I was surprised to see my Persian friend Maryam there. It was kind of funny because last year I would always tell her how I wanted a cool Japanese boyfriend with dyed hair and fashionable clothes. Now she saw me with Ryu, pretty normal Japanese guy. I told her about him earlier this quarter but now she had accidentally seen us. It was awkward/funny. The meal was really good and Ryu enjoyed it, I like it when people enjoy their food, especially guys. Reminds me of my brothers. Ryu is like them, happy to eat and always willing to finish my leftovers. It makes me smile because I really like eating too!

We went home with wine and drank to celebrate the end of his exams. He tried to explain to me what Rakugo (落語) was and showed a few videos of the entertainers who have gone through years of training. I couldn't really understand but it was interesting. He likes Japanese comedy and explained Manzai (漫才) to me a couple weeks ago. I wish one day I could appreciate these things! He told me about other Japanese entertainment, about geisha in his town and their closed little communities. He said even he doesn't know much about them, except one day he was walking in Kyoto when an apprentice geisha asked him for directions and how she spoke in a very special, complicated way. He said it was rare and that he would otherwise never be able to speak to a real maiko.

He thinks it's odd that Gackt is so famous in America since his music isn't the reason why he's famous in Japan, only his strange behavior brings him attention. Ryu does a hilarious impression of his singing and I can't stop laughing because I sort of worship Gackt and used to listen to him constantly when I was studying Japanese. He asked me to show him my favorite songs by different visual kei artists and was surprised at how I had memorised their strange songs. It's weird because for me Japanese is a foreign language and the foreignness of the words makes it more magical, but for him, it's his native language and much more literal.

I drank so much and my spirits were high forgetting that he was leaving. He went downstairs to use the bathroom and I changed into my nightclothes and curled up in a ball to ignore the intoxication. When he returned, he made me relax and started taking my clothes off, his body kept me warm, then warmer and warmer. He exhausts me. He said he could go home then or stay with me and leave early in the morning, I told him he could do as he liked, he said he wanted to stay with me, so that's what he did.

Pillow talk: He asked me if I wanted to get married. I asked him if he was asking me, and he said in general. I said I didn't know, I always say that I'll never get married and that it's a stupid idea because people always end up wanting something else, and if people get married they should stay together no matter what, no matter how much they fight, like my parents did, and I don't think there are very many people strong enough to do so. He agreed with me and told me about his parents fighting when he was a child and how his older sister would ask him which parent he would go with if they split up, he said his mother, and so his sister told him she would go with their father. He said the thought of his family splitting up made him sad and not seeing his sister and father again worried him. But he was glad that they stayed together.

He asked me if I wanted children and how many. I hesitated because it seems like people are a lot more interested in children than I am, I am so afraid of them and how to raise them, being such a child myself still, I think it's a strange thought. I told him about my fears and he said it was normal. I told him that I have millions of unanswerable questions about the terrible world and life and so how am I supposed to bring another person into the world who will want those questions answered? He understood my concerns. He told me that when he was a child and asked about what would happen after he died, he was told that he would turn into a star and believed it. Later he was told he would turn into the earth and he was satisfied with that answer too. He told me that you could tell children anything and they believe you, it wouldn't be a big deal.

I told him that I guess that people can still be happy in this horrible world and that I was happy with him. We are very different, only superficially, but those things are interesting and exciting differences. Inside we are all sort of the same. I told him not to judge me as I admitted something to him. He listened. I told him how I had the fleeting thought of the possibility of getting pregnant by him and therefore creating an undeniable connection between us, but how I didn't want a child I just wanted him to stay with me. I insisted to him that I didn't want a baby, just him, I was that desperate. I have so many future plans that I can neither be with him nor have his baby in order to keep him. It was quiet, he said, wakatta.

Muri, desho?
Muri jyanai, he told me.

He left in the morning to Los Angeles to watch a basketball game. He'll be back tomorrow.

So it's the first of December. Bad news first, I had to pay my rent today. damn. I hope I can manage to save a little bit of money this quarter for this coming summer and my crazy plans (yes, so crazy, I haven't even decided on them yet). More bad news, I am having a really hard time getting affordable health insurance. I just applied for medicaid.

Other news... not really good news. I turned in my final research paper. I did it in a rush like I always do, I hope I did okay. I went to the grocery store finally and bought good food filled with iron! I made this tomato and spinach stew that my mom used to make for us when we were kids, and it turned out sooo delicious (I still have leftovers for tomorrow!). I dunno how else to cook spinach, anyway.

I was asked to come for an interview at a new ramen shop that's opening up around here. Heather just got hired there and I think it would be cool to work with her. Hopefully I will get the job otherwise I will go crazy this winter break all alone and end up killing myself or something. I need the money too.

Ryu leaves in 17 days. boohoo. All good things come to an end. I am trying to ignore it. But I think about him constantly, before I go to sleep, when I wake up, all the time. He makes me feel so warm when I am with him, literally. It's so weird. I have never felt my body temperature rise, I've never felt so warm with any other guy. I am always cold, my hands, my legs, but not with him. It's so strange, my blood moves so much more with him, it's an amazing feeling, I can physically feel it flowing through my veins. It flows like a fire has been lit inside of my heart, pumping heat to my face, my fingertips and toes. So different than I am used to. Is this what being alive feels like??

Edit: I can't stop listening to this stupid Nancy Ajram song... someone shoot me.

Miyavi

It took me long enough to post about this... I heard from Heather that Miyavi was coming to Seattle, so I made plans to buy tickets. I am not a huge Miyavi fan, but I know he is really popular among J-rock fans. I think he is cute and I like his tattoos/image, but only a few of his songs. He is a skilled guitarist, and really entertaining as a one-man show, from what I can tell from his videos.

Anyway, after a bunch of drama trying to order tickets over the phone, I went downtown and bought three tickets for Heather, Shu (that girly Japanese guy), and myself. The show is on the 25th of October at the Paramount Theatre, a proper theater with fancy halls and chandeliers... not exactly a rock concert kind of place, I'd say! I am really looking forward to it, only a couple weeks from now, it is his first US tour.

In other news, the guy I mentioned in the previous post is also in my SIS class and discussion section. I will be seeing a lot of him this quarter.

I should be getting my new computer today! Hopefully, if my brother manages to intercept the UPS man. I had the computer shipped to my brother because I was not sure where I would be living. Now it is really inconvenient because my brother has to drive all the way to Seattle. Oh well, it gives me a excuse to see him!

I went to Uwajimaya yesterday and stocked up on zaru soba and chuka soba noodles. I want to make yakisoba for my brother tonight (if he shows up). I practiced yesterday and it turned out pretty good, I think he will like it. I feel like soba and udon are the only things I know how to cook. No complaints though, I could eat soba everyday!

Last night, Matsuda did not call me. I figured he did not wanna deal with me anymore after sort of ditching him Saturday. Takahashi called instead and we went out for yakitori and drinks at Roppongi Hills. Same old chatting. He told me, though, that if I can introduce him to a girl and he manages to kiss her, he will give me 50,000 yen. More, if he manages to sleep with her, he will give me 100,000 yen. And! If the relationship lasts more than 3 days, he will give me 200,000 yen. He was serious! I told him I would try my best. Any takers?

Today I slept in. Matsuda called me in the morning and we made plans to meet at 17:30 and have dinner. (It is funny to me how often I make plans while still in bed, half asleep. People call me in the mornings, I arbitrarily select an evening time to meet them, then fall back asleep).

I have to admit I was a little afraid to meet him. All these paranoid thoughts were racing through my imagination, I half-expected a hundred police cars to be waiting outside my building, but I met him. He was innocently waiting smoking a cigarette at the crossing. We went to Shibuya. We went to a nice restaurant and had a small meal. Seafood salad and some cold pasta, wine and cheese.

I was wearing long-sleeves. It is normal for me to wear long sleeves even in the hottest weather, but he commented on it and told me that I needed to buy summer clothes. I acted surprised but I could tell he wanted to take me shopping in Shibuya. I bought a couple shirts from 109 and OIOI. The shops were closing and he gave me the change. It added up to about 13,000 yen, he told me to spend the rest of it tomorrow. Yeah right. I will save it for my living!

He wanted to go to an izakaya. We went to a fancy-ish one in Shibuya where he had me sample different types of shochu, he ordered a glass of several different kinds (they all tasted almost the same to me). We had sushi and tsukune and miso soup. Afterward he asked me where I wanted to go, a club? Karaoke? Home? He did not want me to go home, so we went to karaoke. All the karaoke places in Shibuya were full so we went to Roppongi, but not before he bought me the new Gazette album, the Limited Edition CD&DVD (which came with a complimentary pencil board with a photo of the band printed on it!) and Gazette wristband at HMV. Yay! They are my favorite current visual kei band!

We went to the same karaoke place that Shinya and the Israeli girls took me to last year, near my old club. We drank and sang (mostly my songs). We had another few drinks in Roppongi, then he let me go home...

In short, today was a success. Listening to my new CD now!

new Gazette stuff!

13STAIRS[-]

Last night started out really slow, meaning, zero customers for almost 4 hours. In the end, I got screwed and had to stay til 1 am with these two cheap ugly customers who showed up for the last hour (one of them is yakuza, I am pretty sure). I was planning to meet WH and the other girls in Roppongi, but when I was talking on the phone to WH, manager told me to hang up and go out for a meal with these retarded customers in Akasaka. In the changing room, the other girl who was serving them also encouraged me, I told her I would not go. As I was saying otsukare and walking out the door, the manager restricted me from leaving and said to go with the customers. I felt obligated.

They took us in a taxi to Akasaka. What the hell? That meant I could not walk home whenever I wished. They took us to this cheap izakaya (wtf??). I was really hungry, even so, I had no desire to stay for izakaya food while my friends were all the way in Roppongi!! Anyway, I ate a little bit of fish before getting really impatient and saying I am going home. At least, they paid for my taxi back to Roppongi crossing.

I met up with the other girls, finally. I was very happy to see Sara! I had barely worked with her, only a couple weeks, but she was very adorable and easy to get along with during that time. She is so beautiful and so modest, I love that. We drank and danced... made fun of weird people. I did not spot any particularly hot guys but it was fun to dance and hang out with Sara again. She is a ball of energy and freaked everyone out by disappearing with a guy for a while. Anyway, it was fun and I laughed a lot. Afterward, I finally satisfied my hunger with some more takoyaki from FamilyMart. WH tried some with me, I bought a second package to take home for later (just in case the promotion ends and I have a craving for cheese-filled octopus balls!!).

Now here is the weird part:

As I was walking home, around 5 or so, this random Japanese man was about to walk past me as I stared into a ramen restaurant near Roppongi crossing (I was reminiscing, I went there once with Hajime last year, the one and only time I have eaten ramen), but then said to me, wanna have something to eat? I had just eaten the takoyaki but of course, I never refuse a free meal. We went into the restaurant. He did not eat anything and I had a bowl of ramen. We talked a bit about this and that. I was being very grateful, I dunno, just normal stuff. He was kind and had a really friendly face, almost shy about his generosity.

I told him I was a little surprised that he invited me for a meal (not really, it wasn't the first time that has happened to me, but you have to act). When he asked me about what I do in Tokyo, I told him that I like to go on walks and look at beautiful things that I cannot afford. I guess he took pity on me or something after I told him I worked in Roppongi. He asked me if I know Don Quihote. I said yes, of course, it is in Roppongi. Then he asked me hoshi mono wa? I did not know how to respond. I could not think of anything that I particularly wanted at that moment! He said, okay then we will go and look and you can choose something.

We got up to pay for the ramen, it cost about 500yen, he paid with a 10,000yen note. When we left the restaurant, he handed me the change and told me to go spend it. I stood there in disbelief (acting was over at this point) and he laughed at me. He pulled me along to the store and told me that he would wait outside and to take my time picking what I wanted. I had no idea! I just picked some things from the first floor. I didn't know how to spend 10,000 yen! So weird! I could not think of anything. So I picked out a perfume set, easiest way to spend the money (bvlgari pour femme, my favorite, I have been using my 30ml bottle sparingly, now I have the 50ml, body lotion, and makeup pouch!) and some razors that I wanted (I have been using cheapo disposable ones, they irritate my skin). He asked me what else I wanted.

I did not want anything! I would have preferred to keep the cash to be honest, but it never works like that. Men will spend hundreds of dollars on dinner and things with me, but I really just wish I could have the cash. He picked out some random expensive shampoo and conditioner that I would never buy with my own money. Told me it was a famous brand so I should try it. Okay. We paid and left. Then he asked if I wanted to have a coffee.

I asked him why he was being like that and he said that it was normal. Hmm... Not normal for me. Cafes were closed so he said he would take me for breakfast at the Ibis hotel. The word hotel is always a scary one. Hotel? I asked. He told me, don't worry, just breakfast. We went there, around 06:20 and waited until 7 for the meal. It was nice! I have not had a hotel breakfast in years! We talked more. He asked me what else I wanted, what did an American girl want from Japan? I said I was fine just working and studying. He asked me if I have ever been to hot springs.

I told him no. He asked me if I wanted to go... I said, of course it would be nice, but I have work every night so it is difficult to leave Tokyo at all. He asked me about the weekend. I told him I did not work on Saturday and Sunday. He thought for a minute. He asked me if I wanted to go to hakone (one of my dreams!!). I said sure. He asked if I would go with him. I said, alright, that's fine. He asked if I was sure, because he would make a reservation for Saturday, and asked what time I could get to Shinjuku station in the morning. I told him ten AM. We'll see

I ditched Zero and went to dinner in Roppongi with Takahashi-san last night. I had a nice time, he was in a good mood. We wanted to go to Hard Rock Cafe (I have never been there, and he has not in 10 years) but they were having a private party, he promised to take me another time. We went and got big salads at Outback Steakhouse instead (weird place to eat salad but that is what he was craving). Of course we drank a bit as well. I got a little bit drunk and told him about Zero (I had planned on not telling him that I had slept with anyone, but I cannot hide anything from him!). He said that I have not changed at all since last year.

takahashi hiding

banana-rita

I stayed up all night at home (again) with my milk tea reading self-help forums. Milk tea is another one of those drinks with a nostalgic flavor. And then there is the Acerola I bought today, and the strange, tubed condensed milk I finally bought.

5:09 AM today

juices! acerola and blueberry

condensed milk

2 comments

After ignoring my mail yesterday, Mama-san emailed me back today explaining why she did not reply. She went through the details of what she was busy doing all day yesterday, and apologised with no mention of the 2000 yen she owes me. I had had enough. I mailed back saying, I do not care about yesterday, the issue is the money. Right after that she asked if I was home, I said I was, and she came downstairs to give me the 2000 yen. I almost felt bad for being so direct, but fuck that, she owed me.

Zero wants me to come over tonight. He asked me a few days ago and my initial feeling was no. I think he is a cool guy, he is very kind to me and I enjoy his company, but he is pointless. I go over to his house with my nail polish chipped, without really caring how I look, and he still likes me. I spend more time getting ready to go to work. I guess he is too easy, too kind, and it is kind of unappealing after a while. There is no challenge and it feels almost platonic in that way.

I dreamt of getting high today. I guess that is one appealing thing about going to his place, I can smoke his weed.

I stayed up all night last night, past 6 AM, doing nothing, distracting myself and chatting with M (in Italy). I wanted to write but was a little stuck. I woke up around 4 PM today.

I lent my old Mama-san 2000 yen a few weeks ago when she asked. I could not really say no, even though I am the one who is in the more dire situation. She is Japanese, she is in a much better position than me here, and she is asking me for money? What the hell? She has not paid me back yet. I got over my shyness and mailed her today saying, ne, Mama, that 2000yen, do you have it? Excuse me but, I am waiting. She has yet to respond. I do not need the money immediately, I got my pay last week, but still, I am not gonna let it go and forget like I believe she wants me to.

I want to get another tattoo. I will probably have to go in for consultation before actually getting it done so I will email the artist (the same one from last year) soon and see what he says. The plan is to get a sword and quill pen crossed with a red rose in the middle. Red blood will drip from both the pen and sword. Along with some personal significance, part of the meaning is the pen is mightier than the sword, but I will not have the words tattooed. I drew this general design a few years ago, the beginning of my freshman year at university, then saw a strikingly similar design a few months ago on the Anarchist Press website:

Tattoo idea

I went to the supermarket yesterday and bought a bunch of ingredients for cooking at home, mostly vegetables. I really like the supermarket in my neighborhood, it is small, but has everything I would ever need. I hate how big some grocery stores are in the United States; a million brands of everything fill dozens of shelves and it is all so overwhelming... I digress.

I bought vegetables and the right kind of flour to make okonomiyaki, along with some really cute miniature potatoes to use in curry I can make later this week. My first try at okonomiyaki was very edible, but not delicious. Today, I tried again, and I am pleased to report it was much tastier and I really enjoyed it!

I have been gradually sleeping in later and later, today I didn't wake up until 16:24, and listened to the 5 o'clock song as I made my wake-up cup of tea.

Last night as I was walking home, a Japanese guy said hi to me and asked me if I was free ひま. I said yes... I actually did not want to go home so early, I was not sleepy yet. He invited me for a drink. He was just a regular 30 year old office worker. He told me he worked at Fuji television. Anyway, I really liked the way he spoke, maybe the variety of words, I am not sure why, but he sounded sincere.

He was giving me some kanji lessons on his keitai and typed difficult ones to frustrate me. He typed 薔薇 and of course I had no idea what it meant. He said it was bara (rose, I usually see it written in katakana) and that I was one (Rose is my middle name, but I am clearly human). He was a little drunk, I think. Anyway, we exchanged contact information, he invited me for dinner, and walked me home (I am beginning to get very familiar with the drill). Would definitely meet again if he calls, though.

I am unable to write everything I did this weekend in extreme detail, I was all over the place, spent entire days away from home. Body is tired and I have not slept much... Friday was a good night, I had yakiniku for my douhan, it was delicious! It was my first time to try it.

yakiniku

vegetables

2 comments

After work on Friday I went to the tranny club with WH and the new girl. I like the atmosphere there. I cannot really remember what I did after that. Anyway, I went home late and slept. The next day I met up with Tomo3 (Tomomitsu, he is actually really boring) in Hiroo and he bought me lunch, ice cream and we went to the park.

glace et macaron

small stream

4 comments

foot bridge

Afterward, I had to run to Azabu Juban to see Yumi and her dance club's performance at Warehouse. The groups that performed were amazing! Very talented dancers, I really enjoyed it. I took a bunch of photos and videos. Yumi and I went for dinner at Tokyo Midtown afterward, then a drink at my favorite place, Crossover. The bartender Daisuke always sees me with someone new, it probably makes me seem more socially active than I actually am.

As I was walking home, this random Vancouver guy approached me at Roppongi crossing. He spoke well so I spent some time with him. He told me he was hungry so we went for sushi and then had some drinks together. By the end of the night he was trying to get me to come to his hotel but I declined, I gave him my phone number to be polite (he has since then called me twice, annoying). After that I went to UltraLounge and kind of fell in love with a younger guy (24 years old) named Kazuo. I almost joined him and his friends to party in Shinjuku, but used my better judgment and went home, we exchanged numbers. He called me on my walk home and told me to take care walking and that he wanted to take me to dinner sometime soon... he seems sweet and reminds me of Hajime... he moves his hands and expresses himself in a similar fashion and is more serious than the people around him. I like that.

Yesterday I met up with Ryujiro in Ginza for drinks. He is sort of weird, we both act shy and he is terribly indirect. He asked me if I wanted to have dinner and I said no, just to be polite, he invited me for karaoke and I said no, we parted ways early. I dunno how to hang out with young guys, they ask me if I want to do things instead of just making the decisions themselves and taking charge. I know they don't have money, so I don't want them to spend too much on me. But then it's like... what are we supposed to do? Just have sex or something? No thanks. Also, Takahashi kept calling me when we were together, probably seemed weird to him.

ginza

Met up with Zero for a late Sunday night dinner in Roppongi. We walked all the way to his apartment in Ebisu. It is normal for me to walk that distance but he probably thought it was weird. He did not try to get me into a taxi because he knew I would resist. I spent the night there this time, did not sleep very much though. Tired, tired...

I can’t help it!
There is no meaning to your name,
those characters simply make sound.
When your body is pressed against my own,
I can’t move, in this alley, brick wall behind me, it’s rainy.
There is something terribly wrong with this picture,
I ignore your face in the mirror,
see that girl and the man with her,
you and I can’t deny,
their looks as they pass by.
Yes, I’m shy.
There is no meaning, I told you!
When I stare, I see through you!
Transparent,
I can’t help it!
I feel nothing real,
skin frozen numb,
I prevent suffering.
Rain drips from your fingertips,
I look away, close my lips.
You are just another meaningless waste of time.
Your hands still on my hips,
I’m motionless, my heart skips,
how far will you go?
His hand slowly slips
into my skirt,
he unzips.

23:37 June 28, 2009

---

Worked in Kabukicho last night and made some cash. I did not sleep and went to Azabu Juban in the morning to meet a new random person named Tomomitsu. I ate soba (again) with him and had a yummy soy mango smoothie. Later in the day, my room mate left to live in Chiba, then I met Zero, again in the evening for coffee. He is kind.

soy mango

I do not know what will happen this week and I do not care (besides the Buck-Tick live on Wednesday!). I need to sleep.