19 posts tagged “seattle”

It is well into November now and the cold weather reflects the date on the calendar. Last week's strange sunshine and strong showers, loud thunder and bright lightening have left Seattle, replaced with biting cold I am all too familiar with.

Luckily I did not have to spend last night alone.

I was invited to a few parties, all of which were dismissed by Ryu when he came to my house. He wanted to stay in. I didn't resist. We drank a little wine, I, a single glass slowly, he, a bit more. We spoke quite a lot, mostly I asked about him. I like how he answers my questions without hiding anything, without faltering to think. I like how he speaks about his family, not detached but with an adult appreciation.

I asked him if he liked hot chocolate. He said yes. I made two cups of cocoa for us. I think he was pleased. He told me, No girl has ever made anything for me, only my mother and my sister. Who would have thought such a simple thing would make him smile?

His older, only sister is an opera singer, and he told me that he respects her because she works so hard to forward her dream. Needless to say, opera singing isn't exactly the easiest career path to follow, much less in Japan, of all places. He told me that she hardly goes out and he thinks she has never had a regular boyfriend.

I told him I will be sad when he returns to Kyoto. He sympathised and said that he wanted to bring me with him and keep me at his house. I joked about how his traditional grandmother would react to the new foreign addition to the family. He laughed and said that she wasn't so bad, his cousin recently married a foreigner after all.

He told me that he wants to visit me. He told me that he thinks it is good that I want to study so much, that I want to go to New York. He thinks I should do what I want to do. I told him that I don't want to be lonely any more. I don't want to be alone like his big sister.

He told me that I won't be lonely. I asked him why he thought so. He said, because I am changing.

Love For Sale

I did not want to get out of bed today. Who can blame me, look how scary it is outside!

oct 20

 ปล่อยฉัน

On the first day of school I became familiar with the Revolutionary Communist Party, I saw a friend from an old SIS course (school of international studies) having a discussion with the representatives advertising at our university. I went to greet my friend unaware of his current disposition.

I am left-leaning and interested in socialist economics (not so much communism, as a method of governing people, it is basically fascism to me, not based on individual freedom) so I humored them for a bit. I gave them my name and email address. That night I received a message from one of the girls asking me to join them for a meeting the next day, to discuss "communism, revolution, and changing the world." I was down.

After class on Thursday I ran into my microeconomics teacher from last spring quarter (a graduate school student). I used to always accuse him of being a dirty capitalist and we would argue all the time. I told him I was heading to a communist party meeting that afternoon and he said he wanted to come along. I said, Oh sure, I'd like to see you there, we are going to discuss economics.

We were the only two people in attendance. We watched a video (not very well-made) and then started a discussion, about capitalism, communism, revolution. A lot of questions were posed, I mostly listened and played both sides. It was raining when my teacher and I left the building. He told me he wanted to show me one thing before I went home. We went to Suzallo library and searched for a book. The Road to Serfdom. He wants me to read it, in order for me to understand the realities of communism and socialism.

So I am not ready to sign onto the communist party, but I am actively researching right now. Friday night, my younger brother came to visit me from his college town, Bellingham, a couple hours north of Seattle. He is always taller when I see him! He is driving a new car and looks great.

We drove into downtown Seattle and met up with my half-brother (who apparently has the "chronic hook-up"). Right around the corner from my half-brother's apartment was the Revolution bookstore! I had heard from the communist girl that there was going to be an open mic down there later this month, I was interested! I felt so lucky to be there. I signed up to read some poetry.

My brothers and I smoked some weed, legal stuff from the dispensary. We looked at old photographs of our father and the past, photos I have never seen before. Photos of my mother. It was a nice trip back in time. Before it got too late, my brother and I drove back north to his apartment. It is nice here!

I am still in Bellingham, spending time with my brother is such a pleasure! I am so proud of him and I love to talk with him... Oh he just woke up!

My last night in Tokyo was relaxed. I met up with Arihito and we went to Shinjuku, we had sushi and then he told me he wanted to take me to the bar from Lost in Translation, at the Park Hyatt. I said that was fine, it would be interesting.

It was lovely there, a very nice atmosphere and jazz music. The view of Tokyo was beautiful... We had a few drinks and then got the hell out of there. We went to a rock bar not far away and talked about his past, his family's history as a non-human (hinin) in Hiroshima. Before it got too late, we checked into a hotel (the same hotel from the night before).

We relaxed and slept. We said goodbye around 10:30 in the morning and I went back to Workaholic Hostess' house to pack. The flight back was fine, long and boring... Returning to Seattle is not exciting. This place is so boring. It started raining hard earlier. I am at my friend's house now... I am such a bum!

School in the morning...

Yesterday night was busier at the club. We were waiting around for customers for a while, and one of the girls predicted that 4 customers were going to come in within a half an hour. I doubted this, thinking it was a generous estimate, a bit of wishful thinking. Before we knew it, the manager was filling up exactly four glasses full of ice. I will never doubt her again!

The customers were long time friends who studied in Seattle over 20 years ago (what is with the Seattle theme?). I sat with them all night. They were not overly talkative and pretty friendly. The guy I was with (he attended UW) kept losing the Crocodile Dentist game (the plastic crocodile whose teeth you press until it snaps down on your fingers) so he took several shots of vodka and tequila. He did not seem affected by the alcohol though. The toy never bit down on my hand but toward the end of the night, I was given some tequila anyway. I did want to get drunk, but I am trying to keep my calorie count down, so I resisted drinking very much.

The other guy sitting next to me was pretty good looking and didn't drink any alcohol. His friend described him as an otaku for electronics and computers. He was hot for an otaku I guess!! Long legs. The UW alumnus gave me his card so maybe I can have some luck with him. WH took this photo of one of the French girls and me, I like it because it is brown and old looking because of the darkness.

It is so nice to have this room to myself. It is much more pleasant than last summer when I was sharing with other girls.

Also yesterday before work, my older brother started complaining to me about my younger brother and the whole selling/smoking weed thing. It is pointless to talk to me about their problem; I am half-way across the world and have not lived with them for years now, but I feel really bad for him because he is really emotional. He thinks he is lost on me because I believe people should be able to do what they want to do.

He is frustrated that my brother comes home with weed still on his breath with his homeless friends and that they laugh at everything I say because they are so loopy and high. I think I would be sort of annoyed if he did that at my house but my older brother is judging my younger brother, saying that he does not consider him his brother anymore. He thinks that I justify drugs (which I do) and that I don't understand what is going on.

i swear you have some kind of selective perception or something and its broken,
its like you don't even read the lines that say SMOKING AND DEALING DRUGS.... 18 YEARS OLD AND SMOKING AND DEALING DRUGS.
did you see that?

I told him that yes I understand but I still care about my brother and hope he does very well. He told me, if you understand that, go have some gyoza and be happy and don't judge anyone, god forbid. I wonder how he would react if he knew the things that I do and have done, more extreme and at a younger age? Somehow, I don't think telling him that I have experienced worse than my little brother and am still perfectly 'successful' (whatever that means) would make him feel any better.

Standing In The Rain

Today I took M to the best kaiten sushi place in town, Sushi land! Their sushi is pretty reasonably priced and tasty. I ate a ton of unagi nigiri and some takoyaki (frozen pre-made kind, but still pretty good).

We got lost in Queen Anne, and had to take a couple buses home. It was raining and cold.

Just wanna finish school and get out of Seattle. 24 days left. There is a little bit of a storm right now, lightening and thunder.

Still no word about the Waseda seminar. I emailed the coordinator lady asking when I would find out or if I should just assume I was not accepted. She forwarded my inquiry to someone else. That was 8 days ago.

I have been listening to some old music from high school. It is nostalgic. Life sucked! I worked 40 hours a week at Wendy's hamburgers and went to school 30 hours a week. I was angry, sad and used lots of drugs. My little free time was spent sitting at my computer listening to loud music and becoming pessimistic about everything and anything. Less drugs these days, but still a lot of anger I think. Often sad. Only the reasons change. Still not much to be happy about.

But I am not complaining. State of dissatisfaction is what I find most comfortable, it is what makes me tick, what makes me keep going. If I were happy, what would I do with my time? I cannot recall a time in my life when things were going smoothly, even what I can remember of my childhood. I do not expect that to ever change. I have no idea what it would look like if it did. There have always been family problems: conflicts for my family overseas and within my immediate family. A person is usually defined by what is around him, and up until a few years ago, my family was that.

Within my family were abuse and isolation. Outside my home were drugs and my insane ex. It is kind of sad. Reading my diaries, since I began recording my life (regularly) around age 12-13, there is always something really heavy weighing at me. I wonder if everyone feels that way? Going to bed with something on your mind which makes you hope you won't wake up? Going to bed hoping when you wake up, things will be different? Never satisfied with the status quo? How can people ignore so many problems? Constant struggle! Work harder, faster, more! Still not good enough!! Could be better!!

People have often called me a whiner. That is what I am. I often point out injustices... and I have always had a problem with the statement life is not fair because I think it should be, and I do not see any reason why it cannot be. I have been called a cry baby too. I won't deny that either. I used to cry a lot. In elementary school my teachers thought I had behavioral problems because I cried a lot (this probably had more to do with my inability to communicate very well than my manners) and did not respect authority.

The blanket I use now is a constant reminder of my mother. She sewed it (she worked as a seamstress in the US because the editor of the Baath party newspaper she worked for considered her a traitor for leaving Iraq and would not sign documents that would allow her to study in America, oh and my father was an abusive control freak and did not want her to work outside the house anyway) and used it for as long as I can remember. After she died nobody used it. I brought it with me to Seattle last December and I really like it. But it reminds me that she is gone. Going to sleep is always kind of depressing for a variety of reasons, but I cried recently in bed. It was a little surprising but I could not control it, thinking about her absence and my solitude. I felt like a child but it was extremely cathartic.

Lately I have been thinking about my father. He will probably die soon too. I have a big fear of people leaving me. Nobody ever sticks around. Everything and everyone is so temporary. It is so frustrating. Muscles tense and body tired! Always problems! Always anger! Always something wrong! That is my (dis)satisfaction!

At least it gives me something to write about. God knows I have nothing besides my writing.

I am not sure what forces are at work today, perhaps the power of the full moon (la pleine lune phase was pointed out to me today by a friend in France), but I had two young (allow me to reiterate that) I had two, attractive, young men ask to meet me from the internet. I have been just sitting here reading Noam Chomsky and Naomi Klein all day (being a good student is rewarding!).

Another interesting thing: one is Japanese and the other is French; they come from the two nations I was living in last year. Uncanny, no? They are both in Seattle.

Takuya is from Kobe and is studying at my university. He is probably one of the countless cool Japanese guys I pass by everyday and wish would say something to me, but now, with the power of the internet, we have been united! He is a pianist, which means he has more than one thing in common with the guy in J-drama Long Vacation!

Kimura Takuya

Ha... sorry >.< Actually he looks more like Gackt than Kimura Takuya... seriously, he is above average! I know I am always comparing hot Japanese guys to Gackt, but it is because I have a very narrow type, and he fits it!

Benoit is doing an internship at an agency in West Seattle. He seems very... French. He grew up in Bordeaux but lives in Paris now, he's working on a masters in architecture, but his dream is to do photography around the world. He asked me out for a "little coffee" (un petit cafe does not translate well into English) and we are meeting tomorrow.

I had a very big fate-o-meter* reading on Benoit, because, for some reason, my last few days in Paris last December I had a sudden realisation that, besides Japanese men, I am slightly attracted to French men and their sort of high-nosed, arrogant (almost rude) exteriors, yet friendly interiors. French and Japanese guys are pretty much opposite, but I find myself attracted to them in different ways... Anyway, I remember being on the metro in Paris, listening to a French guy talk to his girlfriend and thinking I would like to date a French man someday.

*I will probably explain my (figurative) fate-o-meter in a later entry, but basically I get readings on people sometimes when I first meet them. They are more like feelings, but do not take that word lightly! The readings tell me that this person will have particular significance in my life sooner or later, but I never know how exactly. I had big fate-o-meter readings on Kaoru in London, and my ex-roommate Jessica before we formally met in Paris, and a few other cases.

Soo... I wonder what these guys are like in the real world.

I would wait until after meeting the guy to write about it, but I think the steps that led up to this are kind of interesting and weird.

He messaged me on mixi a couple days ago. I received the message in the early morning when I was getting ready to go to school. At first glance, the message looked like one big block of kanji to me, but with reading techniques and a dictionary, I was able to figure out what he was trying to say. I would have probably ignored him since I needed to get to school, but I really enjoy deciphering Japanese (lyrics, kanji) for meaning, it is like a game.

He said sumimasen for the sudden email, but he was looking for these Godiva pretzels and was having trouble finding the Godiva chocolate shops. Did I know where they were? Downtown was most convenient for him, could I tell him where the shop was?

With the power of google, I found a few locations for him, and emailed back with information.

Now, skip to yesterday. He told me that he found the pretzels and now he wanted to repay me by taking me out to dinner. Strange, no?
解決しました！
 突然ですみませんでした。お礼に、食事をご馳走したいと思うのですが、土曜までの予定はいかがですか？もし無理なら日本に来られたときにおごります！

I really do not have time to be meeting random, 37 year old salarymen this close to midterms, and right before I have to go out of town for the weekend, but after a little bit of thought, I decided I would. I don't see how it could be in anyway harmful. I always take advantage of opportunities (especially if they involve food!).

So I am meeting him tonight at 6 PM at Westlake center, Pine Stの出入口で... :p

*will edit later*

I ran all over town today, but got some things accomplished. Well, nothing imperative, mostly personal stuff, I have totally ignored the massive amount of school work that is piling up...

I finally got my passport and visa application mailed to the embassy of Vietnam in Washington DC. Cost me about 85 dollars all together... damn.

I met up with the Godiva guy. He was on time and friendly. It was weird speaking in Japanese with a grown man as opposed to my girlfriends and other people my age. Our little date went pretty smoothly, talking about this and that. He was not creepy or anything, but I am pretty sure he was kinda disappointed when I declined an offer to join him for wine at his hotel. Anyway, he wants to meet in Tokyo this summer. Yeah, whatever, we'll see.

I went to catch the bus downtown back to the university district. I saw the bus I needed and ran toward it. As I was about to board the bus, a Japanese guy, college age, waved and smiled at me, and said something. He was with three other guys. I waved back and said konban wa!

I love the look on peoples' faces when I say something in Japanese. It makes me smile. Anyway I missed the bus talking to them, they were students at a community college around here. They were pretty funny and I entertained them for a little bit with cheesy Japanese conversation before hopping on the next bus. They waved at me until I was out of sight.

Such a crazy world!

I am packed (save toiletries) for my flight tomorrow. Dunno if I will update while I am out of town. Hope this weekend is not too dramatic.
23:19
P.S. I really like this song!

Last night was pretty nice...Three people together on a Friday night is sometimes better than just two, it's more fun.

Earlier in the week I made plans with Lisa to go raving this weekend but the rave was 18+ so Lisa couldn't get in (she's 17). I told her that's fine, we would just buy E and then leave to do something else. She said sure.

Later in the week, Ai told me she wanted to go to a club. We're both underage so we can't go to clubs here... She asked me about underage clubs and I remembered going to one when I first moved to Seattle. It wasn't very fun... She really wanted to go so I told her sure. Lisa could come with us too.

Lisa and I went to the rave's venue. I had never been there before and I didn't see anyone outside... We circled the building and found people hanging out in the parking lot in the back. I didn't know any of the people but it only took asking one person to find E. The guy was selling them for 5 bucks a pill (great deal) so we bought 6.

We had a couple hours to pass before meeting Ai at Seattle Center, so we didn't take the pills yet. We were walking and succumbed to having ice cream at Coldstone Creamery. I justified it because having a high-fat meal before taking pills allows for better absorption of the chemicals. It was delicious, I had banana and vanilla, she had strawberry and chocolate.

Then we walked toward the Seattle Center and waited at the McDonalds there for Ai. She showed up and excitedly crossed the street to meet us. We walked toward the underage club... I was really worried it would be lame, but being with the girls was good enough for me. Lisa and I took our pills, she one and I two. I figured I would take the others later but I wouldn't feel the need to, it's been so long since I've taken anything my tolerance has dropped.

I was very glad to see Ai having a good time. She said she has never been to a dance club, that her friends in Osaka don't really do things like that. We danced and danced and danced, even though we were shy. It's so weird to be at a place like that when no alcohol is being served. I felt like I was missing something, no glasses to be held, but the ecstasy was doing a nice job of keeping my spirits alive.

It's so strange that Lisa and I could drink whenever we wanted in Europe, and that in Japan I was paid to drink, but in America I can't even sit in a bar or buy a bottle of wine. It's funny that it's easier to get ecstasy on our own than it is to get alcohol. Anyway, the people there were kind of lame, lots of high schoolers and then some creepy older guys, but we just kept to ourselves.

I played pool with this random Mexican guy. He paid for the table. I was leading for most of the game, I was impressed with myself, and lucky he got the eight ball in so I technically won. I guess I didn't try as hard after that because he got the rest of his balls in before I could finish mine.

decisions

Ai gives it a try

We caught taxi home to Lisa's house. We spent a little while talking about our families before going to bed. It was kind of nice because I really like these girls and I enjoy getting to know them more. I showered, but I couldn't sleep all night, I checked the clock at 6 am last I remember. I slept in past 2 pm. Lisa and I took the bus to University Way and then walked to my house (she left her purse here yesterday and needed to pick it up).

A couple blocks away from my house, we ran into Naoki... that loser Japanese guy. He waved at me before I was sure it was him, he was with another guy, his Kuwaiti room mate who was surprised that I could speak Arabic after having a brief conversation with Naoki in Japanese. I told him I was Iraqi, with a little smile (Iraq and Kuwait have an interesting history). Anyway, Naoki looked really nice... maybe he isn't that big of a waste of time?

Girugamesh

I just bought my tickets to see visual kei-ish j-rock band Girugamesh (ギルガメッシュ) which is coming to Seattle this April, playing at the annual anime convention, Sakura-con. I don't have very much money left but it's worth it to me. I can spare some meals to see them... My brothers were planning on coming to Seattle for the anime convention this year, I was going to sit it out, but now I have tickets... Will probably just go down to see the band though. Don't get me wrong, I like anime but I haven't been watching as much in the past year. The girls in the visual kei club are going to see the band too.

I'm excited... I've never been to a concert before. Visual Kei is my current drug of choice. I've been pretty clean, besides alcohol, for about 3 weeks. This makes me feel fat but... I am trying to stabilize my metabolism.

Also, I'm really behind in my reading, about 500 pages behind. My goal is to catch up, if not get ahead, by the end of the week. I need to focus!