27 posts tagged “sex”

I celebrated Hanukkah with Haroon on Friday night and it was so fun and yummy! Turnout was huge at Hillel, I have never seen it so full. We lit the first candle on the menorah then it was dinner time. Well, actually first Haroon taught me how to say a prayer and wash my hands, and then I wasn't supposed to say anything until I tasted the (delicious) bread. It was a fun night and I ended up getting a little drunk and talking politics/religion with the students there. I find that the Jewish community is unmatched in the openness of discussion allowed within their walls, self-criticism of their community and laws is made and greeted with great discussion. I like it. No church or mosque has demonstrated that to me before.

After dinner Haroon came over and I was supposed to help him study but he kept on talking about his girl problems. He told me earlier this week that he had gone to the mental health counselors asking for help for something but he didn't tell me what it was. He finally spilled the beans tonight. He has been cutting himself. He showed me huge cuts all over his stomach, he did it with scissors. He had cut himself on his arms before and I noticed, asked him about it, and he lied. He told me that after my noticing, he started being more secretive. What am I supposed to say to him? I understand his feelings completely, he just needs love, he's away from home, alone, first year at university, and terribly needing of care and attention, more than I could ever provide (I'm a needy one too).

He wanted to spend the night but in the end he walked home. He told me thank you, though, because he thinks I have been helping him.

After the Arabic final yesterday morning, I took the bus downtown to meet Ryu at Westlake. He was with a couple Ritsumeikan students who had taken the toeic exam with him. They left after a while and Ryu and I went out soon after to the Bodies exhibit. It was so cool! Kind of creepy seeing preserved human bodies and muscle tissue, fetuses and fetal organs... but an overall educational experience. I felt lucky to have the opportunity to see everything inside of our bodies. Female reproductive organs are smaller than I previously imagined!

After the exhibit, we walked downtown for a while. It is quite festive nowadays with a Christmas tree and merry-go-round in the center of downtown. We wanted to go see some gingerbread houses at the Sheraton but the line was super long filled with moms and children, so we ditched it. Ryu asked me for ideas for souvenirs to take home to his family. I couldn't think of much besides candy canes (he has never heard of them/noticed them) and he thinks they're a good idea. We went back to my house.

We passed the afternoon with tea and talking. We lit the second candle on my take-home menorah from Hillel. There was another Hanukkah party that night and I mentioned going because I thought he would want to leave soon, he needed to get ready for his noon flight to LA. I told him I was feeling sad and futile because he was leaving next week, but I was happy he was with me. We had sex and afterward he asked me if I would, rather than go to the party, stay with him for dinner. I said of course. He told me I was very kind. I was surprised at his reaction, I told him I always want to be with him, it's no question. Before going out he asked if he could leave his bag at my house, which meant he would have to come back afterward. I was so pleased that he wanted to stay longer.

We went to dinner at this new curry place and inside I was surprised to see my Persian friend Maryam there. It was kind of funny because last year I would always tell her how I wanted a cool Japanese boyfriend with dyed hair and fashionable clothes. Now she saw me with Ryu, pretty normal Japanese guy. I told her about him earlier this quarter but now she had accidentally seen us. It was awkward/funny. The meal was really good and Ryu enjoyed it, I like it when people enjoy their food, especially guys. Reminds me of my brothers. Ryu is like them, happy to eat and always willing to finish my leftovers. It makes me smile because I really like eating too!

We went home with wine and drank to celebrate the end of his exams. He tried to explain to me what Rakugo (落語) was and showed a few videos of the entertainers who have gone through years of training. I couldn't really understand but it was interesting. He likes Japanese comedy and explained Manzai (漫才) to me a couple weeks ago. I wish one day I could appreciate these things! He told me about other Japanese entertainment, about geisha in his town and their closed little communities. He said even he doesn't know much about them, except one day he was walking in Kyoto when an apprentice geisha asked him for directions and how she spoke in a very special, complicated way. He said it was rare and that he would otherwise never be able to speak to a real maiko.

He thinks it's odd that Gackt is so famous in America since his music isn't the reason why he's famous in Japan, only his strange behavior brings him attention. Ryu does a hilarious impression of his singing and I can't stop laughing because I sort of worship Gackt and used to listen to him constantly when I was studying Japanese. He asked me to show him my favorite songs by different visual kei artists and was surprised at how I had memorised their strange songs. It's weird because for me Japanese is a foreign language and the foreignness of the words makes it more magical, but for him, it's his native language and much more literal.

I drank so much and my spirits were high forgetting that he was leaving. He went downstairs to use the bathroom and I changed into my nightclothes and curled up in a ball to ignore the intoxication. When he returned, he made me relax and started taking my clothes off, his body kept me warm, then warmer and warmer. He exhausts me. He said he could go home then or stay with me and leave early in the morning, I told him he could do as he liked, he said he wanted to stay with me, so that's what he did.

Pillow talk: He asked me if I wanted to get married. I asked him if he was asking me, and he said in general. I said I didn't know, I always say that I'll never get married and that it's a stupid idea because people always end up wanting something else, and if people get married they should stay together no matter what, no matter how much they fight, like my parents did, and I don't think there are very many people strong enough to do so. He agreed with me and told me about his parents fighting when he was a child and how his older sister would ask him which parent he would go with if they split up, he said his mother, and so his sister told him she would go with their father. He said the thought of his family splitting up made him sad and not seeing his sister and father again worried him. But he was glad that they stayed together.

He asked me if I wanted children and how many. I hesitated because it seems like people are a lot more interested in children than I am, I am so afraid of them and how to raise them, being such a child myself still, I think it's a strange thought. I told him about my fears and he said it was normal. I told him that I have millions of unanswerable questions about the terrible world and life and so how am I supposed to bring another person into the world who will want those questions answered? He understood my concerns. He told me that when he was a child and asked about what would happen after he died, he was told that he would turn into a star and believed it. Later he was told he would turn into the earth and he was satisfied with that answer too. He told me that you could tell children anything and they believe you, it wouldn't be a big deal.

I told him that I guess that people can still be happy in this horrible world and that I was happy with him. We are very different, only superficially, but those things are interesting and exciting differences. Inside we are all sort of the same. I told him not to judge me as I admitted something to him. He listened. I told him how I had the fleeting thought of the possibility of getting pregnant by him and therefore creating an undeniable connection between us, but how I didn't want a child I just wanted him to stay with me. I insisted to him that I didn't want a baby, just him, I was that desperate. I have so many future plans that I can neither be with him nor have his baby in order to keep him. It was quiet, he said, wakatta.

Muri, desho?
Muri jyanai, he told me.

He left in the morning to Los Angeles to watch a basketball game. He'll be back tomorrow.

I feel like I've been freed from prison, or awakened from the dead! I am back in Seattle.

I left my hometown around 11:30 and arrived in Seattle around 16:30. I got super stoned in the car (my brother's shit is the best) and passed the hours lost in thought. I saw that I missed a call from Ryu at 16:17. I called him back then got in the shower. He showed up around 18:25 and we met up with Heather. Heather told me that she wanted to meet the guy who has managed to keep my interest for this long, Ryu had no problem with it.

We went to dinner together. Heather makes fun of me constantly and brought some weird stuff up to embarrass me (happening bar details!!). Ryu asked me questions. He is aware that I visited happening bars, but I told him that I just watched. I spilled the beans tonight about the stuff I did there, he was surprised but didn't inquire deeply about it. His reactions always surprise me, he never judges nor expresses disapproval about things I've done. There is one exception though, he did say that if I were with him in Japan, he wouldn't want me to work at a hostess club. That's fine with me, as long as he pays the rent yo.

Anyway, after dinner, he and I returned to my house. Once inside my bedroom, the first thing he said to me was, So, you are an M?

*clouds part, sunlight pours onto the scene, angels blow horns*

I replied with a silent nod.

He said yosh and had me sit on the bed. He stood in front of me. He started removing his belt and for a second I thought he wanted me to give him a blowjob (not how it normally starts), but instead, he took my arms in front of me and secured the belt around my wrists. I think he was pleased with my brief struggle to test the tightness. He covered my eyes with my hat and then took all of my clothes off. Unspeakable pleasure and pain...

I have bruises now from the restraint. Hickies? Check. Sore... yes. I am completely infatuated with him.

Today I met up with Musaad, my Saudi conversation partner and we talked for a long time about his sudden marriage and family problems in Arabic. I love speaking Arabic. I am better than I thought I was, I just haven't spoken it regularly for almost 3 years. Now that I am taking the class though, I feel more in Arabic mode, and the words roll off my tongue.

It was raining. I met up with Ryu and we went to play piano together. It was so wonderful, quite romantic, sitting at the piano together and practicing. He is way better than I am, but he patiently walked me through Ode to Joy today, it took me about 90 minutes to get both hands down. I am getting better at reading the music. The songs are really simple, but important things to learn right now are hand positions, timing, notes. I am just really anxious about getting passed the basics and playing my favorite songs. Ryu says I am a good student and it was sort of exciting to go home with my piano teacher for the night.

My friend Lisa emailed me today. She is studying in Lyon and just spent the weekend in Paris with a Japanese guy she met this summer when she was visiting me in Tokyo. Apparently they stayed in and had hot sex all weekend. She is totally dicknotised and I am happy for her.

Tomorrow's Monday... here we go again.

Though it has been on the back-burner of my consciousness, I had not heard from the super competitive and bureaucratic International studies department about my application to the major. I applied a couple weeks ago, and I was kind of confident about getting in, but nothing was official.

I am pleased to report that I just received my acceptance email. Woo! Both of my majors are officially declared! yatta!

Date with Ryu tonight, he is so cute sometimes. More about him later, I have a comp lit midterm due in 55 minutes! I've titled it, "Sex, an Art of Tensions?" and it's an analysis of a sex scene in a comic we read for class.

---

So I'm at home, finished with the week. What do I do? It's always a rush to to finish. And afterward I still feel at edge. I still have a bunch of wine at my house from last weekend.... *pours a glass*

Ryu says he wants to meet later, around 7 for dinner. It's weird. I think going out in public with him will be strange. I will have a few drinks before I see him, otherwise, I won't be able to relax.

I had sex with him a few times, and I was totally sober. I'm preoccupied with the idea of it lately. Starting to feel perverse. No, I am not saying he was amazing, I'm saying that I am probably thinking about it a lot more than is normal. It is strange to be doing this with a student. He thinks I'm his girlfriend. No one has ever really called me that. Even Arihito last month in Tokyo, we saw each other pretty regularly but we were just friends. Even Yusuke... called me every day, but I was so busy and ignored him so much that I don't think even he could consider me a girlfriend.

Ryu on the other hand, is informing all his buddies back home that he has "made an American girlfriend."

Anyway, sex. As much as I try to convince myself otherwise, it is still not as good as a dose of really good H. Or alternatively (if you aren't into the needles and illegal stuff) a bunch of oxies. Seems like nothing will ever be.

I like how the effect of drugs lingers, I like how it makes me feel, what it does to my mind and how it changes the world. I need nothing else when I'm high, just me, satisfied with myself for a while. Sex doesn't do that. I really gave it a chance! I "liberated" myself from a previously very negative attitude toward sex. No I don't think it's dirty, I think it can be very sensual and it makes you feel good for a little while, even a day or two after, you might be thinking about that person. But to be honest, it's not really satisfying on the same level that I feel after writing something I imagined during a high, or the feeling of my body when I take opiates.

I don't want to say that I've tried everything, but I feel like I have, different types of people, different scenes, I don't even want to describe all the different situations, but it's still not as good as sticking a pen into my hand til I bleed or getting high out my mind. Nothing compares to the calm that I feel the day after I cut myself or after getting high and writing all night.

Today is auspicious. It's very windy, and somehow warm.

So there's this guy, Tetsuya from Kyoto, well, there are a whole group of guys from Ritsumeikan uni who are studying here for a quarter and I met some of them at Wednesday lunch. Two of them, Tetsuya and Kensuke asked for my phone number a couple weeks ago and I gave it to them. This week, Tetsuya invited me to a party. I said okay.

I met up with Tetsuya in the University district, he was with another guy, Ryu, who he introduced to me as the most kakkoi of his friends. He was alright, kind of standoffish and quiet, but he looked okay. Tetsuya on the other hand reminds me a little bit of Ai from Osaka, they are both from Kansai, and both are outgoing and smile all the time.

I had already eaten but they took me to drink with a group of people at this Korean place. There were a bunch of Japanese-American girls dressed similarly in black club dresses. They didn't talk to me. There was one other non-Japanese person there, a friendly Iranian-American guy who was born and raised in Tokyo, he had a lisp, but his Japanese was really good. I thought he was an interesting political product, I like meeting people with messed up national identities.

Tetsuya ordered a bottle of soju and let me drink most of it. I spoke with him most of the night but when he went to go to the bathroom I was left seated next to Ryu, who hadn't said a single word to me since we were first introduced. We talked about the Japanese elections and how he didn't vote because he was coming here and about his view of Japanese politics in general. Any guy who can stand talking politics with me for more than ten minutes gets extra points. And his name is Ryu for god's sake, he had already gotten me when I learned that (see: Ryu Murakami).

Anyway, after he finished eating, the Iranian guy left and the girls left to go clubbing downtown, acting all shy about it, like they were doing something super scandalous. The boys stayed with me. We called Kensuke, we considered going to his house on the south side, but he was actually in the University district singing karaoke with some girls. We let him be. In the end, the two guys came to my house, not without two bottles of cheap champagne (I don't have a bottle opener for wine) and cheese (Tetsuya's idea).

We drank the first bottle quickly. We thought to wait for Kensuke to come to open the second bottle, but he was being too slow. We drank the second bottle. When Kensuke showed up, we went to buy wine and chocolate ice cream (Tetsuya's suggestion again). Kensuke had to drink to catch up with us so we forced him to drink. He is the smallest one but he can handle drinking pretty well. We talked about this and that, love and heartbreak...

After a while, Tetsuya was falling asleep, actually, he did fall asleep and start snoring on my floor. We woke him up and made him go home. I was getting sleepy too, and too drunk. I rested my head on Ryu's lap (we were sitting on the floor) but continued conversing, though I don't really remember what we were talking about at that point. I was just paying attention to the feeling of Ryu's hand on my body.

I went downstairs and threw up in the bathroom. The vomit was deep purple like the cheap Merlot we were drinking. I came back to my room and lay in bed, which sort of signaled to the boys it was time to go. I said good night and I heard them leave my house. I got up and I showered, well, I sat under the running water for a while.

When I went back to my room, I saw that my window was open and someone was outside on the roof, ninja-style trying to come inside. It was Ryu. I was in my towel, dripping wet. I closed the door behind me and invited him in. He was trying to explain how he forgot his bag and that he tried to call but I didn't pick up. I told him yes, I was in the shower (clearly), and dried myself off. I told him he could stay, the buses were out of service at that point. He said thank you.

I dried my hair and hung the towel up. I was completely naked so I put on a long shirt. I didn't keep it on for very long. He commented on my tattoo while we were having sex, ukifune? That's always what they say. As if I am the one who needs to confirm the reading. We slept. He left around 7am. I also got up and brushed my teeth, took out my contacts, and went back to sleep.

October 21, 2009

I asked him if I could change my shirt, I didn’t want to wear the buttoned one any longer.

Yes, but do it here.

I was sitting in the dark, in the living room. He had a few lamps on, a tall white candle inside of thick glass was lit, and the curtains closed over the windows, tied together to prevent any vision in or out of the house. I always felt like we were at some sort of ceremony. Wine glasses waited to be filled on the coffee table, and he was looking for the bottle opener.  I took my softer shirt out of my bag and started to unbutton. At the cue of my silence he entered the room with the bottle in hand, Wait, I want to watch you.

I nearly changed my mind, but tried to ignore him. I pulled at the end of the sleeves and took the shirt off slowly, being watched, one sleeve at a time, off my shoulders, and folded it away. I slipped my arms into the second shirt and bent my head down, eyes closed, to put it through the neck opening, struggling with nervousness. He sat next to me and set the bottle down on the table.

I sat back and he pulled me closer, his hands around my waist. I resisted and when I tried to pull his hands off I felt them tighten around me, holding me in place. I stopped and glanced back at him, Let me pour the wine. He let go, with a look of reluctance on his face.

I poured his glass first then mine. I lifted my glass up and said cheers, but he just sat watching me. He didn’t lift his glass up but replied, Cheers, as if granting me permission. I took the first sip alone, eagerly.

“Still so dependent, aren’t you?” He said, “I can furnish your pathetic needs better if you ask.”

“I’m not desperate, I just haven’t had a drink in a long time. Can’t you just enjoy it with me without passing judgment and making commentary?”

“If I don’t, who will?”

I took another drink and refilled the glass. “It’s unnecessary. I am accountable for myself.”

“Are you saying you can get high on your own, or something? You have your means?” He laughed.

“No I don’t need to get high.”

“Good for you! I’m glad. Let me see your arms.”

I was holding the glass with my right hand and he reached for my left wrist. “Fuck off already. Let me be.” I brushed him away.

He stopped trying. He stood up and hit the side of my head with his palm as he walked to another room, leaving me alone with the wine. Don’t use that word around me. I filled my glass again, silent, suppressing the anger.

He came back with a hand mirror and produced a bag of cocaine from his pocket. He took a sip of his wine and opened the small bag, then looked toward me.

“Don’t act so disinterested.”

He made four lines with the powder then offered it to me, Ladies first.

I set my glass down and took the first line slowly, then half of the second. I handed him the mirror and took another drink of wine. He finished the rest of the powder himself then went to get a glass of water. When he returned he stood watching me.

“Haven’t you had enough to drink?”

“Can I finish the bottle?”

“You can have two more sips.”

I drank what remained in two big gulps.

“You think you’re smart don’t you? Clever girl, aren’t you?”

He approached me, Not such a smart move, he said. He pulled my hair, pulled it to the top of my head. Now, let me see your beautiful face. He continued to pull it and I tried to stay in place, I crushed my eyelids together. Tie it up, high up. In the middle of tying a pony-tail, he pushed me down into the couch, and then pulled my hair again, tying it very tight, my neck cracked.

He held my wrists together; I couldn’t move them at all. His other hand was in my shirt, pressing down on my stomach. He asked me how old I was.

I struggled. Twenty.

He was silent for a few seconds. I asked, how old are you?

I looked at his eyes, he was glaring, waiting, then I understood.

Fourteen, I whispered. I’m fourteen years old.

He stopped pressing, That’s what I thought. Don’t, don’t lie to me again.

He pulled my shirt off then held my wrists together again. He saw some scabs on my outer arms and stared disapprovingly. Is this what you were hiding? He kissed the cuts. You shouldn’t resist when I ask to see them, I’m trying to help you. Secrets aren’t healthy. We can’t keep secrets from each other, okay?

I nodded. He released my arms and kissed me. I kept my mouth closed. He insisted. He kissed my neck then started to bite me, it began to be painful, and the more I pulled away, the more it hurt. I relaxed. He stopped. He made me stand up.

I pressed the center of my body against his, and spoke into his neck, Please, I can’t stand it anymore, I want you, please. He humored me for a moment, laughed, breathed into my neck, then pushed me away, I fell to my knees.

I know what you are trying to do. You think I am some idiot you can manipulate? Do you see the situation you’re in? Don’t you understand that I can have you whenever I want?

October 24, 2009 19:07

Yesterday I finally landed in Tokyo around 7 am and took the slow local train back to WH's house. Arriving in Japan was such a relief... I can read the signs here! I can understand the language! I was so happy to be back in town. I mailed Arihito saying,  ただいま！　He and WH are the only people who I am talking to these days.

WH and I went to the pharmacy and bought some bandages, it felt nice to change them. I showered and shaved and cleaned my wounds because I was going to meet Ari in the evening and I needed to be presentable. He came and met me at the station, I was walking really slow and made him wait. We got in a taxi and went to Roppongi.

He told me that we were going to visit his friend's bar. It was across the street from Tokyo Midtown. Inside it was really cool and dark. Black everything and a big crow on the wall. The people there were all from the SM community in Tokyo and the owner was also the owner of several fetish clubs. This place, however, was just a normal bar. There were several attractive 30-something Japanese women there. Ari told me they were professional sadists. We had a couple drinks and then left to Shinjuku, Kabuki-cho.

We went to Silk, the happening bar I went to before. We hung out for a while, drinking, chain-smoking. After a while I changed into a costume, a short black frilly dress. He likes it when I do not wear a bra, so I took it off. We watched some people and messed around a little bit. We spent a couple hours idle... even though at that point I really wanted to have sex with him. A couple of American customers kept distracting him, and it was driving me crazy. Ari apologised to me, Sorry, I would have fucked you a long time ago if it wasn't for these guys. When I made it clear that nothing was going to happen between me and the Americans, they left. We entered one of the rooms.

He had previously suggested we go to a hotel, but we had sex there at the club. It was quite good and no one seemed to be watching us... We left soon after. We went to Golden Street in Shinjuku (second time I have been there, lots of tiny eclectic bars all cramped together, in 3-chome I think) and had some more drinks. I was kinda tired, having traveled from Thailand, to Viet Nam, then to Japan all in one day... but I was patient. We went to a nice love hotel around 6 am (nice is an understatement, it was especially nice and new, I like Shinjuku love hotels better than Shibuya, I think!). We showered and slept.

In the morning, we had sex again... then neither of us could sleep. We tried for a couple hours but then got up. On TV Mission Impossible dubbed in Japanese entertained us while we got ready to leave. It was around 3 PM, nice and cool outside, bit cloudy, my favorite kind of weather. We went to have soba at this place in 2-chome, really delicious! I really like how he is. We don't need to talk, we are usually quite silent and do not say much. But I can tell he is thinking, it shows on his face. I like people who are always thinking and not necessarily talking.

Afterward, we walked around. He didn't seem to want to let me go. He invited me for a coffee, Do you want to have a coffee with me? Sure. We went to a cafe and I got a hot chocolate, he, iced coffee. A few cigarettes later, we finally parted ways. I think I will miss him! Planning to meet tomorrow, my last night in Tokyo...

Japan! Yeah I am still here.

Went drinking with customers and WH after work Friday, said sayonara to everyone then came home. I stupidly let myself take a nap for a couple hours before my flight, it turned into a really deep sleep. I slept through my alarm, and I woke up 33 minutes after my flight had already departed. Fuck!

Called the travel agency and they told me that my tickets have been canceled and that the reservation was unchangeable, almost 600 dollars down the drain. Yeah, I cried a lot and had an episode, hurting myself and stuff. I have been planning this trip for months. All the girls in the building tried to give me advice about my visa, they freaked me out about overstaying and how if I do so, I risk deportation and will be disallowed entry to Japan for 5 to 10 years. Well, my visa expired yesterday. I am officially an illegal alien!

I went to the Narita airport to try to talk to Vietnam Airlines, but there were no representatives there. They are only around in the morning, when my flight left. I talked to some other airline people but they didn't do shit. They recommended I buy a 230,000 yen ticket to Saigon. I told them I didn't have that kind of money and cried some more. Crying did not help. I remembered Yusuke, since he is going to Hanoi to supposedly meet up with me on Monday, and I won't be there. This is a good opportunity, though, to finish things with him. I am ignoring his emails and phone calls now.

I decided there was no way I was gonna leave Tokyo that day so I began to concern myself with the fact that my 3-month tourist visa was going to expire in a matter of hours and the immigration office was closed (Saturday). I was allowed to talk to immigration officers at Narita airport and they told me that I could possibly extend my visa for a couple weeks in order to catch my flight back to Seattle. They mentioned a letter of apology and some applications so it sounds like it has been done before. The US embassy told me the same thing.

So after all that stress and crying, I took the train back to Tokyo and now I am in the wonderful care of the one and only Workaholic Hostess. I have lost count of how many times she has saved my ass this summer. We had really good tomato ramen and I felt a lot better. My situation is kinda bad but it could be worse. I still have my health and my money and I am safe my friend. I went to the Shibuya happening bar again!! With pouch guy. When I told him I was coming back to Tokyo he invited me to join him. Made me smile after all the anger and sadness.

I went... It was better than last time! There was a lot of SM stuff going on and I was asked if I wanted to partake in some of the activities, by the manager of the club! He asked me if he could tie me up, only after we poured candle wax on ourselves (I on my forearm and he on his dick!). It was a good way to start. After a few more drinks, I was told to stand on stage and take off my clothes. He tied my hair up and started wrapping the rope around me. He totally knew what he was doing, I could not move my arms at all, an audience grew. I was a little bit shy but I was not thinking about it, just very excited about the ropes.

Then they hooked me to the ceiling, I was suspended, with one of my legs lifted away from the other. That was really cool. I could not move! I felt like I was stuck in a spider web! My wrists were beginning to hurt from the rope rubbing on them, but I loved it. Sometimes I wear very tight hair bands on my wrists in order to achieve the same effect. Today my wrists are bruised and quite sore. While I was suspended, they poured candle wax on my feet and chest. It felt good actually, and not as hot as I expected (I think they have special candles for SM purposes, or I was drunk and desensitised). Everyone in the club was watching me! I was the only foreigner there and I was made into the show of the night! When they tried using a vibrator on me, I said, mo ii, enough. Then they untied me. It was fun while it lasted.

Afterward, whips came out and a couple of the guys wanted me to whip them. I couldn't do it... they whipped me. That did not hurt as much as I expected either. I think it is a very mental thing, the candle wax seeming so hot and the crack of the whip which terrifies us, but both are not as painful as we imagine.

I got super drunk, even though I did not drink that much. It probably had a lot to do with all the stress of the day at the airport, my body was exhausted. After the club closed, I waited for Poucher to say goodbye to his 'girlfriend' at the station (his order) and went to a love hotel with him. We slept for a while, then had sex, slept for a while, then had sex, showered one last time and went out for lunch around 16:00.

Now I am back at WH's place but she's not here! I have sores all over my body. I gotta turn myself in to the immigration office tomorrow, wish me luck!

Lessons learned:

1. Do not sleep if you are drunk before a flight, stay awake and get your ass to the airport!
2. Do not book flights on the visa-expiration date.
3. Be careful what you wish for, it might come true! I didn't want to leave Tokyo leading up to Saturday, and sure enough, I was not able to!
   

In 48 hours I will be flying to Hanoi! It is so soon! Not ready to leave Tokyo... I love this city, it has become the center of the world for me.

I went on a nice drive with sex club guy last night. He drives a red Alfa Romeo (so does Takahashi :o ). He picked me up in Roppongi and we drove all the way to Yokohama on the highway, I love driving through Tokyo... I never get tired of all the skyscrapers and lights. I feel encapsulated by them all, racing inside a huge orb of buildings!

We went to the international port at Yokohama, walked on the big dock, cool wooden design, and looked at Yokohama lights. He told me that when he was in university, he had sex there at the port. I laughed, I asked if having sex in public is his thing, and he said no, no. He said it was cool because with that view of the skyline, it felt like they were conquering Yokohama. I tried to imagine it.

It was a chilly night, and there at the bay it was windy. But it was beautiful. It was the closest I have ever been to the ocean in Japan.

We got back into the car and drove toward Tokyo again. I asked him what he wanted to do, but he said he didn't have a plan. He asked me if there was anything I haven't done in Japan that I wanted to do. I couldn't think of anything. He asked if I were hungry, and I said no. Then he asked if I have ever been to a love hotel, and I answered a few times. He asked if I wanted to go to one that was kinda different. I didn't know what he meant by different, was it strange, some sort of SM place or something? No, he said it was more traditional Japanese style, like a ryokan. Oh, cool! I said let's go.

I thought it was really nice. Wooden ofuro, futon, stuff like that. The room was spacious and very comfortable. We took turns taking showers then had sex. It was even better than the first two times, at the happening bar in Kabukicho. No handcuffs, no costumes, it was just us making the best of my last hours in Japan. I really enjoyed last night, kinda high right now. He is coming to the club tonight.

I need to do some packing today.

Yesterday I was really pissed off because Kaoru bailed on coming to the club with me. I lost an hour's pay. I left the club at 23:00 as normal. Whatever! At least I got to eat some really good okonomiyaki at this fancy place in Ginza. I went out to Mask after work and nothing was going on there.

At 00:48 I got a phonecall from the manager at my club asking me what was up. I told him I was still in Roppongi and he asked me if I wanted to go to an SM club. I said sure. Then WH called and said she was coming too. Alright, a party!

So we went to this place in Roppongi, there were a few customers there already. The first thing we did was order drinks and change into costumes. WH wore a cheerleader costume and I put on a maid outfit. I love cosplay!

Then before I could finish my drink and a cigarette big-head manager wanted to tie me up! Okay secretly I have always wanted to be tied up during sex, but I was still wary about it. I said okay.

It was so exciting actually. To give up control of my body. Feeling the knots get tighter and the physical constraint getting stronger as they continued to wrap the rope around my body. I slowly lost my ability to move, I lost a certain normalcy, my physical condition was no longer ordinary, and I loved it. I felt safe, secured by the rope, like it was hugging my entire body.

My clothes were slowly revealing more of my skin and I couldn't do anything about it, the ropes tightened everything. I had to be fed my drink and couldn't stop anyone from touching me.

I got free after a while then tied up by the Japanese girl from our club. She did a much better job. Every time I moved the ropes would feel so good... It was a lot tighter. It took forever to get free of them. Overall, a very nice night, and Workaholic Hostess is a great kisser!