23 posts tagged “sex”

Though it has been on the back-burner of my consciousness, I had not heard from the super competitive and bureaucratic International studies department about my application to the major. I applied a couple weeks ago, and I was kind of confident about getting in, but nothing was official.

I am pleased to report that I just received my acceptance email. Woo! Both of my majors are officially declared! yatta!

Date with Ryu tonight, he is so cute sometimes. More about him later, I have a comp lit midterm due in 55 minutes! I've titled it, "Sex, an Art of Tensions?" and it's an analysis of a sex scene in a comic we read for class.

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So I'm at home, finished with the week. What do I do? It's always a rush to to finish. And afterward I still feel at edge. I still have a bunch of wine at my house from last weekend.... *pours a glass*

Ryu says he wants to meet later, around 7 for dinner. It's weird. I think going out in public with him will be strange. I will have a few drinks before I see him, otherwise, I won't be able to relax.

I had sex with him a few times, and I was totally sober. I'm preoccupied with the idea of it lately. Starting to feel perverse. No, I am not saying he was amazing, I'm saying that I am probably thinking about it a lot more than is normal. It is strange to be doing this with a student. He thinks I'm his girlfriend. No one has ever really called me that. Even Arihito last month in Tokyo, we saw each other pretty regularly but we were just friends. Even Yusuke... called me every day, but I was so busy and ignored him so much that I don't think even he could consider me a girlfriend.

Ryu on the other hand, is informing all his buddies back home that he has "made an American girlfriend."

Anyway, sex. As much as I try to convince myself otherwise, it is still not as good as a dose of really good H. Or alternatively (if you aren't into the needles and illegal stuff) a bunch of oxies. Seems like nothing will ever be.

I like how the effect of drugs lingers, I like how it makes me feel, what it does to my mind and how it changes the world. I need nothing else when I'm high, just me, satisfied with myself for a while. Sex doesn't do that. I really gave it a chance! I "liberated" myself from a previously very negative attitude toward sex. No I don't think it's dirty, I think it can be very sensual and it makes you feel good for a little while, even a day or two after, you might be thinking about that person. But to be honest, it's not really satisfying on the same level that I feel after writing something I imagined during a high, or the feeling of my body when I take opiates.

I don't want to say that I've tried everything, but I feel like I have, different types of people, different scenes, I don't even want to describe all the different situations, but it's still not as good as sticking a pen into my hand til I bleed or getting high out my mind. Nothing compares to the calm that I feel the day after I cut myself or after getting high and writing all night.

Today is auspicious. It's very windy, and somehow warm.

So there's this guy, Tetsuya from Kyoto, well, there are a whole group of guys from Ritsumeikan uni who are studying here for a quarter and I met some of them at Wednesday lunch. Two of them, Tetsuya and Kensuke asked for my phone number a couple weeks ago and I gave it to them. This week, Tetsuya invited me to a party. I said okay.

I met up with Tetsuya in the University district, he was with another guy, Ryu, who he introduced to me as the most kakkoi of his friends. He was alright, kind of standoffish and quiet, but he looked okay. Tetsuya on the other hand reminds me a little bit of Ai from Osaka, they are both from Kansai, and both are outgoing and smile all the time.

I had already eaten but they took me to drink with a group of people at this Korean place. There were a bunch of Japanese-American girls dressed similarly in black club dresses. They didn't talk to me. There was one other non-Japanese person there, a friendly Iranian-American guy who was born and raised in Tokyo, he had a lisp, but his Japanese was really good. I thought he was an interesting political product, I like meeting people with messed up national identities.

Tetsuya ordered a bottle of soju and let me drink most of it. I spoke with him most of the night but when he went to go to the bathroom I was left seated next to Ryu, who hadn't said a single word to me since we were first introduced. We talked about the Japanese elections and how he didn't vote because he was coming here and about his view of Japanese politics in general. Any guy who can stand talking politics with me for more than ten minutes gets extra points. And his name is Ryu for god's sake, he had already gotten me when I learned that (see: Ryu Murakami).

Anyway, after he finished eating, the Iranian guy left and the girls left to go clubbing downtown, acting all shy about it, like they were doing something super scandalous. The boys stayed with me. We called Kensuke, we considered going to his house on the south side, but he was actually in the University district singing karaoke with some girls. We let him be. In the end, the two guys came to my house, not without two bottles of cheap champagne (I don't have a bottle opener for wine) and cheese (Tetsuya's idea).

We drank the first bottle quickly. We thought to wait for Kensuke to come to open the second bottle, but he was being too slow. We drank the second bottle. When Kensuke showed up, we went to buy wine and chocolate ice cream (Tetsuya's suggestion again). Kensuke had to drink to catch up with us so we forced him to drink. He is the smallest one but he can handle drinking pretty well. We talked about this and that, love and heartbreak...

After a while, Tetsuya was falling asleep, actually, he did fall asleep and start snoring on my floor. We woke him up and made him go home. I was getting sleepy too, and too drunk. I rested my head on Ryu's lap (we were sitting on the floor) but continued conversing, though I don't really remember what we were talking about at that point. I was just paying attention to the feeling of Ryu's hand on my body.

I went downstairs and threw up in the bathroom. The vomit was deep purple like the cheap Merlot we were drinking. I came back to my room and lay in bed, which sort of signaled to the boys it was time to go. I said good night and I heard them leave my house. I got up and I showered, well, I sat under the running water for a while.

When I went back to my room, I saw that my window was open and someone was outside on the roof, ninja-style trying to come inside. It was Ryu. I was in my towel, dripping wet. I closed the door behind me and invited him in. He was trying to explain how he forgot his bag and that he tried to call but I didn't pick up. I told him yes, I was in the shower (clearly), and dried myself off. I told him he could stay, the buses were out of service at that point. He said thank you.

I dried my hair and hung the towel up. I was completely naked so I put on a long shirt. I didn't keep it on for very long. He commented on my tattoo while we were having sex, ukifune? That's always what they say. As if I am the one who needs to confirm the reading. We slept. He left around 7am. I also got up and brushed my teeth, took out my contacts, and went back to sleep.

October 21, 2009

I asked him if I could change my shirt, I didn’t want to wear the buttoned one any longer.

Yes, but do it here.

I was sitting in the dark, in the living room. He had a few lamps on, a tall white candle inside of thick glass was lit, and the curtains closed over the windows, tied together to prevent any vision in or out of the house. I always felt like we were at some sort of ceremony. Wine glasses waited to be filled on the coffee table, and he was looking for the bottle opener.  I took my softer shirt out of my bag and started to unbutton. At the cue of my silence he entered the room with the bottle in hand, Wait, I want to watch you.

I nearly changed my mind, but tried to ignore him. I pulled at the end of the sleeves and took the shirt off slowly, being watched, one sleeve at a time, off my shoulders, and folded it away. I slipped my arms into the second shirt and bent my head down, eyes closed, to put it through the neck opening, struggling with nervousness. He sat next to me and set the bottle down on the table.

I sat back and he pulled me closer, his hands around my waist. I resisted and when I tried to pull his hands off I felt them tighten around me, holding me in place. I stopped and glanced back at him, Let me pour the wine. He let go, with a look of reluctance on his face.

I poured his glass first then mine. I lifted my glass up and said cheers, but he just sat watching me. He didn’t lift his glass up but replied, Cheers, as if granting me permission. I took the first sip alone, eagerly.

“Still so dependent, aren’t you?” He said, “I can furnish your pathetic needs better if you ask.”

“I’m not desperate, I just haven’t had a drink in a long time. Can’t you just enjoy it with me without passing judgment and making commentary?”

“If I don’t, who will?”

I took another drink and refilled the glass. “It’s unnecessary. I am accountable for myself.”

“Are you saying you can get high on your own, or something? You have your means?” He laughed.

“No I don’t need to get high.”

“Good for you! I’m glad. Let me see your arms.”

I was holding the glass with my right hand and he reached for my left wrist. “Fuck off already. Let me be.” I brushed him away.

He stopped trying. He stood up and hit the side of my head with his palm as he walked to another room, leaving me alone with the wine. Don’t use that word around me. I filled my glass again, silent, suppressing the anger.

He came back with a hand mirror and produced a bag of cocaine from his pocket. He took a sip of his wine and opened the small bag, then looked toward me.

“Don’t act so disinterested.”

He made four lines with the powder then offered it to me, Ladies first.

I set my glass down and took the first line slowly, then half of the second. I handed him the mirror and took another drink of wine. He finished the rest of the powder himself then went to get a glass of water. When he returned he stood watching me.

“Haven’t you had enough to drink?”

“Can I finish the bottle?”

“You can have two more sips.”

I drank what remained in two big gulps.

“You think you’re smart don’t you? Clever girl, aren’t you?”

He approached me, Not such a smart move, he said. He pulled my hair, pulled it to the top of my head. Now, let me see your beautiful face. He continued to pull it and I tried to stay in place, I crushed my eyelids together. Tie it up, high up. In the middle of tying a pony-tail, he pushed me down into the couch, and then pulled my hair again, tying it very tight, my neck cracked.

He held my wrists together; I couldn’t move them at all. His other hand was in my shirt, pressing down on my stomach. He asked me how old I was.

I struggled. Twenty.

He was silent for a few seconds. I asked, how old are you?

I looked at his eyes, he was glaring, waiting, then I understood.

Fourteen, I whispered. I’m fourteen years old.

He stopped pressing, That’s what I thought. Don’t, don’t lie to me again.

He pulled my shirt off then held my wrists together again. He saw some scabs on my outer arms and stared disapprovingly. Is this what you were hiding? He kissed the cuts. You shouldn’t resist when I ask to see them, I’m trying to help you. Secrets aren’t healthy. We can’t keep secrets from each other, okay?

I nodded. He released my arms and kissed me. I kept my mouth closed. He insisted. He kissed my neck then started to bite me, it began to be painful, and the more I pulled away, the more it hurt. I relaxed. He stopped. He made me stand up.

I pressed the center of my body against his, and spoke into his neck, Please, I can’t stand it anymore, I want you, please. He humored me for a moment, laughed, breathed into my neck, then pushed me away, I fell to my knees.

I know what you are trying to do. You think I am some idiot you can manipulate? Do you see the situation you’re in? Don’t you understand that I can have you whenever I want?

October 24, 2009 19:07

Yesterday I finally landed in Tokyo around 7 am and took the slow local train back to WH's house. Arriving in Japan was such a relief... I can read the signs here! I can understand the language! I was so happy to be back in town. I mailed Arihito saying,  ただいま！　He and WH are the only people who I am talking to these days.

WH and I went to the pharmacy and bought some bandages, it felt nice to change them. I showered and shaved and cleaned my wounds because I was going to meet Ari in the evening and I needed to be presentable. He came and met me at the station, I was walking really slow and made him wait. We got in a taxi and went to Roppongi.

He told me that we were going to visit his friend's bar. It was across the street from Tokyo Midtown. Inside it was really cool and dark. Black everything and a big crow on the wall. The people there were all from the SM community in Tokyo and the owner was also the owner of several fetish clubs. This place, however, was just a normal bar. There were several attractive 30-something Japanese women there. Ari told me they were professional sadists. We had a couple drinks and then left to Shinjuku, Kabuki-cho.

We went to Silk, the happening bar I went to before. We hung out for a while, drinking, chain-smoking. After a while I changed into a costume, a short black frilly dress. He likes it when I do not wear a bra, so I took it off. We watched some people and messed around a little bit. We spent a couple hours idle... even though at that point I really wanted to have sex with him. A couple of American customers kept distracting him, and it was driving me crazy. Ari apologised to me, Sorry, I would have fucked you a long time ago if it wasn't for these guys. When I made it clear that nothing was going to happen between me and the Americans, they left. We entered one of the rooms.

He had previously suggested we go to a hotel, but we had sex there at the club. It was quite good and no one seemed to be watching us... We left soon after. We went to Golden Street in Shinjuku (second time I have been there, lots of tiny eclectic bars all cramped together, in 3-chome I think) and had some more drinks. I was kinda tired, having traveled from Thailand, to Viet Nam, then to Japan all in one day... but I was patient. We went to a nice love hotel around 6 am (nice is an understatement, it was especially nice and new, I like Shinjuku love hotels better than Shibuya, I think!). We showered and slept.

In the morning, we had sex again... then neither of us could sleep. We tried for a couple hours but then got up. On TV Mission Impossible dubbed in Japanese  entertained us while we got ready to leave. It was around 3 PM, nice and cool outside, bit cloudy, my favorite kind of weather. We went to have soba at this place in 2-chome, really delicious! I really like how he is. We don't need to talk, we are usually quite silent and do not say much. But I can tell he is thinking, it shows on his face. I like people who are always thinking and not necessarily talking.

Afterward, we walked around. He didn't seem to want to let me go. He invited me for a coffee, Do you want to have a coffee with me? Sure. We went to a cafe and I got a hot chocolate, he, iced coffee. A few cigarettes later, we finally parted ways. I think I will miss him! Planning to meet tomorrow, my last night in Tokyo...

Japan! Yeah I am still here.

Went drinking with customers and WH after work Friday, said sayonara to everyone then came home. I stupidly let myself take a nap for a couple hours before my flight, it turned into a really deep sleep. I slept through my alarm, and I woke up 33 minutes after my flight had already departed. Fuck!

Called the travel agency and they told me that my tickets have been canceled and that the reservation was unchangeable, almost 600 dollars down the drain. Yeah, I cried a lot and had an episode, hurting myself and stuff. I have been planning this trip for months. All the girls in the building tried to give me advice about my visa, they freaked me out about overstaying and how if I do so, I risk deportation and will be disallowed entry to Japan for 5 to 10 years. Well, my visa expired yesterday. I am officially an illegal alien!

I went to the Narita airport to try to talk to Vietnam Airlines, but there were no representatives there. They are only around in the morning, when my flight left. I talked to some other airline people but they didn't do shit. They recommended I buy a 230,000 yen ticket to Saigon. I told them I didn't have that kind of money and cried some more. Crying did not help. I remembered Yusuke, since he is going to Hanoi to supposedly meet up with me on Monday, and I won't be there. This is a good opportunity, though, to finish things with him. I am ignoring his emails and phone calls now.

I decided there was no way I was gonna leave Tokyo that day so I began to concern myself with the fact that my 3-month tourist visa was going to expire in a matter of hours and the immigration office was closed (Saturday). I was allowed to talk to immigration officers at Narita airport and they told me that I could possibly extend my visa for a couple weeks in order to catch my flight back to Seattle. They mentioned a letter of apology and some applications so it sounds like it has been done before. The US embassy told me the same thing.

So after all that stress and crying, I took the train back to Tokyo and now I am in the wonderful care of the one and only Workaholic Hostess. I have lost count of how many times she has saved my ass this summer. We had really good tomato ramen and I felt a lot better. My situation is kinda bad but it could be worse. I still have my health and my money and I am safe my friend. I went to the Shibuya happening bar again!! With pouch guy. When I told him I was coming back to Tokyo he invited me to join him. Made me smile after all the anger and sadness.

I went... It was better than last time! There was a lot of SM stuff going on and I was asked if I wanted to partake in some of the activities, by the manager of the club! He asked me if he could tie me up, only after we poured candle wax on ourselves (I on my forearm and he on his dick!). It was a good way to start. After a few more drinks, I was told to stand on stage and take off my clothes. He tied my hair up and started wrapping the rope around me. He totally knew what he was doing, I could not move my arms at all, an audience grew. I was a little bit shy but I was not thinking about it, just very excited about the ropes.

Then they hooked me to the ceiling, I was suspended, with one of my legs lifted away from the other. That was really cool. I could not move! I felt like I was stuck in a spider web! My wrists were beginning to hurt from the rope rubbing on them, but I loved it. Sometimes I wear very tight hair bands on my wrists in order to achieve the same effect. Today my wrists are bruised and quite sore. While I was suspended, they poured candle wax on my feet and chest. It felt good actually, and not as hot as I expected (I think they have special candles for SM purposes, or I was drunk and desensitised). Everyone in the club was watching me! I was the only foreigner there and I was made into the show of the night! When they tried using a vibrator on me, I said, mo ii, enough. Then they untied me. It was fun while it lasted.

Afterward, whips came out and a couple of the guys wanted me to whip them. I couldn't do it... they whipped me. That did not hurt as much as I expected either. I think it is a very mental thing, the candle wax seeming so hot and the crack of the whip which terrifies us, but both are not as painful as we imagine.

I got super drunk, even though I did not drink that much. It probably had a lot to do with all the stress of the day at the airport, my body was exhausted. After the club closed, I waited for Poucher to say goodbye to his 'girlfriend' at the station (his order) and went to a love hotel with him. We slept for a while, then had sex, slept for a while, then had sex, showered one last time and went out for lunch around 16:00.

Now I am back at WH's place but she's not here! I have sores all over my body. I gotta turn myself in to the immigration office tomorrow, wish me luck!

Lessons learned:

1. Do not sleep if you are drunk before a flight, stay awake and get your ass to the airport!
2. Do not book flights on the visa-expiration date.
3. Be careful what you wish for, it might come true! I didn't want to leave Tokyo leading up to Saturday, and sure enough, I was not able to!
   

In 48 hours I will be flying to Hanoi! It is so soon! Not ready to leave Tokyo... I love this city, it has become the center of the world for me.

I went on a nice drive with sex club guy last night. He drives a red Alfa Romeo (so does Takahashi :o ). He picked me up in Roppongi and we drove all the way to Yokohama on the highway, I love driving through Tokyo... I never get tired of all the skyscrapers and lights. I feel encapsulated by them all, racing inside a huge orb of buildings!

We went to the international port at Yokohama, walked on the big dock, cool wooden design, and looked at Yokohama lights. He told me that when he was in university, he had sex there at the port. I laughed, I asked if having sex in public is his thing, and he said no, no. He said it was cool because with that view of the skyline, it felt like they were conquering Yokohama. I tried to imagine it.

It was a chilly night, and there at the bay it was windy. But it was beautiful. It was the closest I have ever been to the ocean in Japan.

We got back into the car and drove toward Tokyo again. I asked him what he wanted to do, but he said he didn't have a plan. He asked me if there was anything I haven't done in Japan that I wanted to do. I couldn't think of anything. He asked if I were hungry, and I said no. Then he asked if I have ever been to a love hotel, and I answered a few times. He asked if I wanted to go to one that was kinda different. I didn't know what he meant by different, was it strange, some sort of SM place or something? No, he said it was more traditional Japanese style, like a ryokan. Oh, cool! I said let's go.

I thought it was really nice. Wooden ofuro, futon, stuff like that. The room was spacious and very comfortable. We took turns taking showers then had sex. It was even better than the first two times, at the happening bar in Kabukicho. No handcuffs, no costumes, it was just us making the best of my last hours in Japan. I really enjoyed last night, kinda high right now. He is coming to the club tonight.

I need to do some packing today.

Saturday was probably one of the most enjoyable days in my life. I don't want to use the word best, because I am sure I have had lots of other good nights and the word is quite vague, but it has been a while since I have taken a whole day out for myself and was able to pursue my own interests entirely.

I got home from the happening bar in Shibuya saturday morning around 06:00 (I walked home) and went to bed, tired and drunk. I got woken up by a phonecall from the travel agent in Shinjuku at 12:09 telling me that I could pick up my tickets to Hanoi. I needed to do that!

I got dressed for the Gazette live, nothing special like I did for the Buck-Tick concert, just sorta plain like I always dress. I didn't have time to visual-kei out, despite having lots of clothes here. I had to figure out which lines to take to get to the Saitama Super Arena... I had no idea where I was going. It was very hot and I walked all the way to Roppongi station under the burning sun (it is not really that far, it only feels far in dry hot weather). I took the Oedo line to Shinjuku, then I went quickly to Kabukicho to get my airplane tickets. Then it was back to the JR station.

At the station, I could see Gazette fans dressed up. It was clear! Cosplaying members of the band, etc. It was cool, and especially obvious on the train, we were all headed to the same place, 20,000 of us! The trains were full of visual kei fashion and dyed, ironed hair. It was awesome!

The arena was impressive, its size and design, and so many of the concert-goers outside were very cool looking, rivaling the artists themselves! I bought some merchandise (T-shirt and stickers) and got to my seat (it was not bad). I was getting so excited! The show started about 10 minutes after 17:00.

All in all, the concert was awesome. It was the tour final, so the crowd was loud and excited. The band seemed to be having a good time, and in turn everyone else did too. Japanese people are weird at concerts and all do the same movements at the same time with their arms. How do they know how to do that? I just prefer to watch and listen. The Gazette are pretty cool on stage. 

I don't want to compare them to Buck-Tick because they aren't really comparable in my mind, but I must say that the fact that I am obsessed with Sakurai Atsushi (Buck-Tick vocalist) made me a lot more excited to see their live in July. The Gazette's main appeal to me is their music, not so much a fan-girl for any of the members. But yeah, they really, really rock! They are truly the best visual kei band today. Wow, I was really impressed. I have seen some videos of their live performances, and I was not really expecting much. But they were amazing! There were fireworks and awesome visuals, so much sound, I loved the entire thing.

I had emailed the guy I mentioned in my last post, who is familiar with happening bars before the concert and he told me he was glad I had emailed him. He was trying to decide whether to go to Ageha (there was an SM exhibition that night) or to this other happening bar that he told me about. I told him to let me know if he wanted to meet and we could go together. After the Gazette ended, I took the train back to Shinjuku and met him at studio ALTA at about 22:25.

He decided to go to the happening bar. He described it as a nicer club compared to the Shibuya place we met at the night before. Naturally, it was in Kabuki-cho, completely underground. The sign on the door was simple, silver metal, with one word only, SILK. He spoke into a speaker and then we were allowed to enter. This club was very classy! They did not hassle me at all, and simply asked my name and his (he is a member). The first floor appeared as normal as can be, dark with low seats like hostess clubs. Customers spoke quietly and were relaxed. Everything appeared totally normal. He told me he would show me the downstairs later. We had a drink.

After a while I noticed costumes and SM gear in one corner of the room. Then soon after I heard a girl moaning from somewhere out of sight. He told me that most people stay on this level to drink, but of course, anything was allowed. He and I talked. Despite having come fully intending to sleep with him, I was interested in getting to know him a little bit beforehand. His English was quite good so I joked with him, Are you educated or something?

He kinda laughed. You could say that. I work with many American companies, so I always have to use English. I didn't ask anything else. He asked me about why I could speak some Japanese and I told him I studied in university and that yes I am still a student. I told him I studied at Waseda for a bit and he said he graduated from there, graduate school, his undergraduate degree was from Todai. Okay, I guess he is quite well-educated.

After the drink and a bit of chatting, he took me downstairs to show me the play rooms. They were comfortable looking but empty. It was still early. I was kinda sticky from running around in the sun all day, so I took a shower and by his suggestion put on a costume. I picked the high school girl sailor uniform. We continued to drink as more customers filled the club.

To be honest, I was quite impressed by him. He has done a lot of independent travel starting at a young age. He has done all sorts of drugs and is inspired by LSD, he told me about taking acid and sitting on the Yamanote line for hours, about smoking marijuana at the beach and and how the sound of waves makes him feel. He traveled and stayed in Africa as a college student, he has spent a lot of time in Eastern Europe, he has been everywhere! He studied physics at university and is a little obsessed with it. He has been going to sex clubs for ten years.

We watched quite a few people have sex but did not enter the rooms. Sooner or later though, after I drank a bit more, we did. Lots of people were watching us. I could see some of the voyeurs masturbating but it didn't bother me. It was hot, I had a good time. We went out and showered, then watched a few more couples. One girl whose arms were tied up was a total masochist, she kept telling her partner in Japanese to forgive her. We watched the end of their session before going in again. Now I wore handcuffs and a blind fold.

The second time was really exciting actually, not being able to see who was touching me, though I am pretty sure it was only him. I felt another hand at one point touching my legs and tickling my feet, but with handcuffs on, I could not do much, I just let things happen, it felt nice! I enjoyed hearing the sound of the handcuffs when my hands tried to move.

Happening bar was pretty cool, but it was totally not happening for me. It was a little troublesome getting in, kinda strict about foreigners, you had to be able to speak Japanese and fill out a form (a few other gaijin were denied because their Japanese was not up to par, the staff stressed the importance of communication). I had to return to Nishi Azabu from Shibuya to get my passport, entrance cost about 20,000 yen all together, but we got in relatively easily.

At the end of the night, I was left sort of unsatisfied. I tried! With two different Japanese guys, but both of them were unable to perform very well (I experienced the quickest session in my life). They might have been too nervous about the whole thing (both were newbies like me) or alcohol had something to do with it. Probably a mixture of both. Baldy didn't get lucky either and spent most of the night on the sidelines.

Overall though, it was a cool experience. Liberating, kinda like the first time you try public bathing or onsen (not everyone was naked though, only in the designated sex rooms). The clientele were all very friendly and there was no creepiness at all. The place was quite big (the building used to be a love hotel) and quite busy. There were the type of people you would expect to be there (older unattractive men) but lots of normal people too! Several young-ish couples and singles hung out and got busy, and the older guys were mostly voyeurs.

I didn't see anything I would want to erase from my memory, and to be honest, I thought it was all pretty hot. I got to try some things I've been curious about (namely, another girl, was not disappointed with her) and I met a guy there who is quite familiar with the whole scene. He gave me his number, I might call and go somewhere else with him.

I got home around 6AM and went to bed. I need to go all the way to Saitama for the GAZETTE TODAY!!! Yay!! The concert starts at 17:00 so I better get going.

I mentioned Kazuo before. I met him last month, once. He has been calling me every week, usually on a Tuesday or Wednesday, asking to hang out. I always have work and say no. Or I just ignore his call altogether.

Last night he called me around 23:30. I was writing so I ignored it. He called a half an hour later and I picked it up. He said it was his birthday and that he was celebrating. He asked me if I was in Roppongi and I said no, I was at home. He invited me to go drinking with him in Roppongi, and for some reason, I said sure. Free drinks, why not. I had slept a lot during the day (making up for about a month of continued sleep deprivation) so I felt genki.

I was surprised when he was alone at the crossing. I had expected all his goofy friends to be with him. But he was alone. I understood the situation. I felt stupid suddenly, I usually would have known. Right off the bat, I asked him what he wanted and he said it was difficult to say. I reprimanded him for inviting me out like that, but I joined him for a drink.

I told him I had a boyfriend so his advances were a little inappropriate. He asked me if the guy was in America or if he was Japanese. I said Japanese. He seemed relieved. He said that he would still try me in that case, but if I had a serious boyfriend back home, he would respect that. I know that I have only been seeing Yusuke for a few weeks, but there is a definite boyfriend&girlfriend vibe going on, he calls me daily and makes date plans. I felt loyal to him for a bit. That loyalty disappeared, as I had hoped and planned, after a couple shots, and I said okay to going to Shibuya with him. He reminds me so much of Hajime, I could not resist.

So yeah, we took a cab to Shibuya and went to a love hotel. It was around 2 AM.

Sex was really, really, really good. We left the hotel around 8 am. He walked me to the station. He lives in Shibuya and walked home.

I slept for a couple hours and showered. I have to meet Yusuke in 30 minutes. I have a small love bite on my neck.

I definitely want to see Kazuo again.

The past couple days have been busy! I freaked out on Monday night after I dropped my computer and it started making strange noises. My user profile will not load but that is fixable. I still have all my writing and photos (priceless to me) but I do not trust this computer to last very long so I want to buy a new one. Too bad I am super broke and laptops here are expensive! We will see...

I was happy to go to work last night to get away from my sad and dying computer, but once I got there I realised, again, how much it sucks. WH wasn't there either so that made it double-boring. Customers are so retarded.

I am moving into my room at Waseda this friday. I was just informed that I have been given a single room! So I will not wake up any annoying roommate after midnight when I come home from work. And no one will know what time I come home. Yes! One school problem is, though, that the textbook I need got mailed back to my house in the United States. That book has been so troublesome.

Practiced karaoke and drank at the club after work yesterday night. I joked (half-serious) in my drunkenness about planning to sell my body to make some extra cash. Afterward, around 4:30 in the morning, Clair and I went to Vibration, she said to find my customers. Instead we met a couple young Japanese guys randomly. Guy I liked was 25 years old (I am proud of myself for choosing a younger guy!), tall and slim. We talked and danced... then all four of us took a taxi to Shibuya and went to the same hotel.

Yeah I went to another love hotel, but I actually did it this time. I had a good time... I got his phone number and mail address so maybe we can meet again. Who knows. I took the bus back to Nishi Azabu from Shibuya this morning. It is actually much more convenient than taking the train, I have learned. I usually walk to Shibuya anyway, but the bus is quite nice!

It is gross and humid today... I need to take a shower. Lisa is coming to Japan tomorrow, I am gonna meet her friday afternoon. Stressing about it! Stressing about school and money! But I gotta take it day by day right now.